When I give a workshop, the hottest issue people share is the pattern of driving their lovers away due to their insecurity. How many times have I heard: “They love me at first….until my intensity drives them away.” As common a pattern as this is, the people struggling with it feel quite isolated. They feel … read the full article
Categories: Relationships
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We all know people who are stuck in patterns. They’re alone and unfulfilled because they keep pursuing unavailable partners. When someone comes along who is genuinely interested, they push him or her away because they feel no attraction. Their lives are caught up in cycles of abandonment. Why do we keep repeating the same patterns … read the full article
Categories: Outer Child, Relationships, taming your outer child
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© 2020 Susan Anderson The ending of a relationship is a time when friends, family, and sponsors are needed most –to provide direct emotional support. When someone experiences the loss of love, or feels they will never find someone to love, they are in kind of emotional crisis. Your willingness to reach out, listen to … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery, Break Ups, healing from abandonment, Heart Break, heartbreak, Relationships
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Are you attached to someone who doesn’t seem as committed as you are? Is there a lack of commitment in the relationship? Maybe they’re giving you double messages, keeping you at arm’s length, or pulling away when you try to get closer. Whatever the signs, your fear of abandonment has been triggered and you want … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, anxiety, Break Ups, Divorce, Falling in love, healing from abandonment, Heart Break, Relationships
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Tags: Abandonment, heartbreak, how to raise self esteem, love, mental health, mental health awareness, recovery, romance, self sabotage, selfcare, selfesteem, therapy, wellness
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We all have an Outer Child – a hidden nemesis that is always interfering in our best-laid plans – especially when we’re trying to advance. Outer Child is the part of your personality that acts out in self-defeating patterns – that puts its foot in your mouth at a business meeting, breaks your diet, and gets attracted … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, Relationships, taming your outer child, Workplace
| Tags: Abandonment, abandonment fear, adulthood, career, emotions, feelings, life, love, mental health, outerchild, relationships, selfcare, selfesteem, selflove, wellness, workplace
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There’s nothing worse than being suddenly beset with intense anxiety and panic. It’s an emotional hijack — a hostile takeover by the fear center of your brain. The part of you that is usually reasonable and self-reassuring has been momentarily knocked out of commission. You feel out of control, helpless, demoralized by the emotional excesses … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, anxiety, Break Ups, healing from abandonment, Heart Break, how to overcome self sabotage, ptsd and abandonment, Relationships, Self Esteem, Self Sabotage
| Tags: Abandonment, abandonment issues, anxiety, depression, healing, meditation, mental health, panic, selfcare, selflove, workshops
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Getting ready for summer, I am doing daily dialogues with my outer child. I’m wondering if using this self awareness tool (outer child) might help some of you also. What is outer child, you ask? Well, you’ve already met your inner child. But whereas your inner child is all about feelings, Outer is all about … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, Outer Child, Relationships, Self Esteem, Self Sabotage, taming your outer child
| Tags: Abandonment, adult, adulting, anxiety, best life, growing up, health, innerchild, love, mentalhealth, outerchild, relationships, selfesteem, therapy, wellness, workbooks, workshops
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Heartbreak hurts so deeply because it pulls at that raw abandonment nerve we all share. It rips us open to the core, overwhelming us with powerful emotions – loss, despair, panic, shame, hopelessness – that seem all out of proportion to the actual event. Fortunately, we don’t have to suffer from abandonment pain for the … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, Relationships, Self Esteem
| Tags: Abandonment, abandonment issues, Emotional Crisis, healing, heartbreak, helplessness, hope, life, love, mentalhealth, relationships, surviving a breakup, therapy, wellness
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Future Self is the self we would like to become, the one we have every intention of becoming were it not for our patterns of self-sabotage that get in the way. Future Self is who we are today, except perhaps… thinner richer more spiritually evolved more confident more assertive less co-dependent, less people-pleasing happier more … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, anxiety, Break Ups, Divorce, Falling in love, healing from abandonment, Heart Break, journey from abandonment to healing, Relationships, Self Esteem, Self Sabotage
| Tags: Abandonment, abandonmentrecovery, confidence, dreams, goals, happiness, love, selfesteem, selflove
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You don’t need to change something all the way to make a huge difference in your life. You don’t have to go all the way from being codependent to being non-codependent, or from low self-esteem to high self-esteem. You need only to be in the process of improving it – even if progress is slow … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, healing from abandonment, how to overcome self sabotage, Relationships, Self Esteem
| Tags: friendships, how to raise self esteem, HuffPost, relationships, self esteem
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© Susan Anderson December 15 2016 I’ve been developing a profile of an abandoner for almost twenty years, collecting stories and insights from abandonment survivors from all over the world – from people writing to my website and attending my workshops, as well as friends, colleagues, and from my own experiences. Is there a profile … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, anorexia, anxiety, borderline and ptsd, borderline personality disorder, healing from abandonment, Heart Break, heartbreak, Relationships, Uncategorized
| Tags: Abandonment, healing, love, relationships
| 1 comment
I’ve written previously about the differences between borderline personality disorder and post traumatic stress disorder of abandonment but here I’d like to explain why distinguishing the two seems important to me. It has to do with the stigma attached to the diagnosis of “borderline.” The two diagnostic categories (BPD and PTSD of Abandonment) have an … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, borderline and ptsd, borderline personality disorder, BPD, bpd and ptsd, post traumatic stress disorder and abandonment, ptsd and abandonment, Relationships, taming your outer child
| Tags: Abandonment, bpd, PTSD, relationships
| 1 comment
Is it possible that abandonment has made you stronger? Most people are familiar with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but what about Post Traumatic Growth? Post Traumatic Growth (PTG) is a concept developed over twenty years ago by professors Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun to identify strengths we pick up from struggling through life’s adversities. When … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, anxiety, borderline and ptsd, bpd and ptsd, healing from abandonment, Heart Break, how to overcome self sabotage, Relationships, Self Esteem
| Tags: abandonment recovery
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The world is full of love-worthy, eligible people looking for a way out of involuntary singleness. They want to put an end to their cycles of abandonment and find a long-term mutual relationship. They are determined to overcome any self-sabotaging patterns that might stand in their way. Some may be attracted to the unavailable. Some tend to … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, Falling in love, Relationships, Uncategorized
| Tags: falling in love, relationships, romance
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In working with the victims of abandonment trauma, I keep coming across folks who are emotionally anorexic. When people attempt to give them love, they can’t seem to take it in. They rather remain in a state of emotional starvation rather than risk abandonment – their greatest fear. As with almost all conditions, emotional anorexia … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, anorexia, Break Ups, Divorce, healing from abandonment, Heart Break, journey from abandonment to healing, Outer Child, PTSD, Relationships, Self Esteem
| Tags: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, BPD and abandonment, healing from abandonment, outer child, PTSD and abandonment, self sabotage
| 5 comments
Click here to view recent articles. No matter the circumstances, on some level we blame ourselves when a relationship ends. We take it as a personal failure. The sorrow of heartbreak is not just about loss, but about self doubt. When rejection is involved in the breakup, it triggers primal rage which we turn against ourselves, beating … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, borderline and ptsd, borderline personality disorder, BPD, bpd and ptsd, Break Ups, Divorce, healing from abandonment, Heart Break, how to overcome self sabotage, journey from abandonment to healing, Outer Child, post traumatic stress disorder and abandonment, Relationships, Self Esteem
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Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and PTSD of Abandonment There is a significant overlap between borderline personality disorder (BPD) and post traumatic stress disorder of abandonment (PTSD of Abandonment). In attempting to distinguish them, we are met with a lot of fine lines and nebula. Since there is a stigma attached to BPD, defining the difference … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, borderline personality disorder, BPD, bpd and ptsd, Break Ups, healing from abandonment, Heart Break, Outer Child, PTSD, Relationships, taming your outer child
| Tags: Abandonment, borderline personality disorder, divorce, heartbreak, Insecurity, outer child, relationships, self sabotage, Trauma
| 5 comments
It isn’t fear of abandonment that sabotages our relationships, it’s how we handle it. Fear of abandonment is primal fear – not something we get rid of. It is essential and universal to all human beings, a driving force in our connections. It can either interfere in our relationships or reinforce them. Once we learn … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, Break Ups, Divorce, Heart Break, Outer Child, PTSD, Relationships, Self Esteem
| 2 comments
Without realizing it we’ve been trying to improve the relationship we have with ourselves all of our lives, just not effectively. Most of us wish we could have higher self esteem. The good news is that we don’t have to go from having low self esteem to having high self esteem; we only need to … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, BPD, Break Ups, Divorce, Heart Break, Outer Child, Relationships, Self Esteem
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I developed the abandonment recovery program after the love of my life – my marital partner of eighteen years – suddenly up and left me for another woman. Read more here on Huffington Post! By Susan Anderson © 2015 Click here to view recent articles.
Categories: Abandonment, Break Ups, Divorce, Heart Break, Outer Child, Relationships
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Susan Anderson guides you through Five Stages that accompany a loss of love. Decades of research…
How to conquer self-sabotage, self-abandonment, procrastination, overeating, etc. and resolve your relationships
Revolutionary guidebook of step-by-step exercises for healing Heartbreak Loss Abandonment and finding Love. Hands-on help
By reading a simple story you gain deep emotional and spiritual healing. Cleansing Centering Connecting
