Recent Articles by Susan Anderson

Social Isolation: Here’s why we’re OK despite the pandemic

Susan Anderson © April 2020 We’re learning a lot about ourselves as we’re going through social isolation.  We’re in the midst of mass trauma, all-inclusive—affecting all of us—some more harshly than others.   The sky is falling and we’ve all run for cover in our huts, waiting for someone to yell “Coast clear.”   The … read the full article


Here in New York, we are self-quarantining, and many are feeling their isolation. I’ve been getting similar feedback from you. Are you self-quarantining? What is it like where you are? How are you doing? How are your loved ones doing? We are all so grateful for the out-of-doors, our phones, and books and TV. Want … read the full article

Bittersweet Valentines Day. You’re Not Alone in Feeling the Twinge: 11 Ways to Make it Work For You

We managed to make it through the winter holidays so far. Now here come the bright red hearts of Valentine’s Day, and it can be bittersweet. Many people are more alone than they’d like to be, and the imagery of doilies, hearts, kisses, roses, boxes of candy, cards, etc., can drum up old feelings of … read the full article

Traumatic Shame: How To Heal This Hidden Affliction

We all have shame. It’s part of the human condition. Some of us are more shackled by it than others. We can consider shame to be traumatic when it has an ongoing impact on how we feel about ourselves and function in the world. Shame works silently within. Its corrosiveness diminishes our self-esteem and confidence. … read the full article

Blaming Yourself Over Your Breakup

Blaming yourself for your relationship’s failure to thrive is the most painful type of regret. Beating yourself for losing someone’s love is true agony. People often blame themselves for breakups, believing that their insecurity is what drove their partner away. Another thing on which people blame their breakup is their own personal defects. They believe … read the full article

What Is Abandonment Recovery?

Abandonment Recovery is an innovation in mental health. We are happy to make the methods available to all of you – they make healing possible, not just from a recent heartbreak, but from your old abandonment wounds as well – the ones that have been festering just beneath the surface, eroding your self esteem and interfering … read the full article

Is Your Partner Committed To Your Relationship?

Are you attached to someone who doesn’t seem as committed as you are? Maybe they’re giving you double messages, keeping you at arm’s length, or pulling away when you try to get closer. Whatever the signs, your fear of abandonment has been triggered and you want to go back to feeling secure. It’s disquieting to … read the full article

Social Media Triggers Abandonment

I think we’re more vulnerable than we used to be, especially young people whose self image is just forming and are impressionable by what other people think.

Looking For Love Insurance

At one of my three-day workshops (at Breitenbush Hot Springs in Oregon – beautiful place!), one of the participants said he played the caretaker role in his relationship. He’d hoped that attending to her needs might insure that she would never want to ever leave him because he’d made himself so very valuable in her … read the full article

Men and Abandonment

Men are just as vulnerable to the abandonment wound as women. Men have the same reaction; there’s no limit to what men experience. It brings them to their knees the same way it does to a woman. Watch this video to learn more:

20 Ways Your Outer Child Sabotages Your Success in the Workplace & Beyond

We all have an Outer Child – a hidden nemesis that is always interfering in our best-laid plans – especially when we’re trying to advance. Outer Child is the part of your personality that acts out in self-defeating patterns – that puts its foot in your mouth at a business meeting, breaks your diet, and gets attracted … read the full article

The Unique Grief of Abandonment

Did your lover leave you? Abandonment is a knife wound to the heart. It is highly vulnerable to infection and can leave scarring. Anyone suffering the loss of a love is in a true emotional crisis. Abandonment has its own special kind of grief, as painful as grief over death, and just as enduring. It … read the full article

When Fear Is In Charge: Help for Panic & Anxiety

There’s nothing worse than being suddenly beset with intense anxiety and panic. It’s an emotional hijack — a hostile takeover by the fear center of your brain. The part of you that is usually reasonable and self-reassuring has been momentarily knocked out of commission. You feel out of control, helpless, demoralized by the emotional excesses … read the full article

Separation Anxiety

Someone wrote in and asked, “Is separation anxiety related to abandonment?” “Oh yes,” I resounded. Separation anxiety is the basis for all emotional distress – anxiety, depression, insecurity-in-relationships, fear-of-loss. Abandonment feelings trigger separation anxiety and separation anxiety trigger abandonment feelings. Let’s say you walk into a restaurant with your friends and you suddenly see your … read the full article

Should You Be Friends with Your Ex?

One of the major reasons heartbreak hurts so much is the lack of closure. Sometimes remaining friends with your ex offers the opportunity to maintain a dialogue in which a greater understanding about the issues leading to the breakup can be exchanged. Other times, contact with an ex can prolong the pain and delay closure. … read the full article

Why Outer Child Sabotages Adulting

Getting ready for summer, I am doing daily dialogues with my outer child. I’m wondering if using this self awareness tool (outer child) might help some of you also. What is outer child, you ask? Well, you’ve already met your inner child. But whereas your inner child is all about feelings, Outer is all about … read the full article

Abandonment As Rebirth

AKeRU is a Japanese word that means “to pierce, to end, to begin.” AKeRU is the name I’ve given to the five hands-on mental exercises that turn the pain of an ending into the beginning of positive change. AKeRU makes its debut in both JOURNEY books. AKeRU works with the natural flow of life process, … read the full article

Why Do We Stay In Bad Relationships?

Do you know someone who stays in a bad relationship? What hooks them? The standard answer is that they don’t feel good enough about themselves. They don’t feel they deserve better. They have a low sense of entitlement. While self esteem is certainly a factor, many of these people started out feeling much better about … read the full article

10 Tips For Surviving Rejection

When someone rejects you they acquire power in your mind. They acquire power due to their ability to inflict pain. The more they hurt you the harder it is to let go. This is the painful paradox of abandonment. “Why does it take so long to get over it?” people ask. Those suffering from rejection … read the full article

Why Is Abandonment So Painful?

Heartbreak hurts so deeply because it pulls at that raw abandonment nerve we all share. It rips us open to the core, overwhelming us with powerful emotions – loss, despair, panic, shame, hopelessness – that seem all out of proportion to the actual event. Fortunately, we don’t have to suffer from abandonment pain for the … read the full article

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