Posted by Susan Anderson, Psychotherapist on October 9, 2019
Blaming yourself for your relationship’s failure to thrive is the most painful type of regret. Beating yourself for losing someone’s love is true agony. But more often than not, we do this when we’re dealing with a breakup. People often blame themselves for breakups, believing that their insecurity is what drove their partner away. Another … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, Break Ups, Heart Break
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Tags: Abandonment, blame, breakup, divorce, getting over heartbreak, healing, heartbreak, life, love, love yourself, mental health, recovery, relationships, self-blame, selfesteem, unworthiness
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2 comments
Posted by Susan Anderson, Psychotherapist on August 19, 2019
Are you attached to someone who doesn’t seem as committed as you are? Is there a lack of commitment in the relationship? Maybe they’re giving you double messages, keeping you at arm’s length, or pulling away when you try to get closer. Whatever the signs, your fear of abandonment has been triggered and you want … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, anxiety, Break Ups, Divorce, Falling in love, healing from abandonment, Heart Break, Relationships
| Tags: Abandonment, heartbreak, how to raise self esteem, love, mental health, mental health awareness, recovery, romance, self sabotage, selfcare, selfesteem, therapy, wellness
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Posted by Susan Anderson, Psychotherapist on August 7, 2019
At one of my three-day workshops (at Breitenbush Hot Springs in Oregon – beautiful place!), one of the participants said he played the caretaker role in his relationship. He’d hoped that attending to her needs might insure that she would never want to ever leave him because he’d made himself so very valuable in her … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, healing from abandonment
| Tags: Abandonment, beauty, breakup, caretaker, divorce, emotionally unavailable, grief, healing, heartbreak, love, mental health, relationships, selfcare, selfesteem, stability, wellness
| No comments
Posted by Susan Anderson, Psychotherapist on June 20, 2019
Someone wrote in and asked, “Is separation anxiety related to abandonment?” “Oh yes,” I resounded. Separation anxiety is the basis for all emotional distress – anxiety, depression, insecurity-in-relationships, fear-of-loss. Abandonment feelings trigger separation anxiety and separation anxiety trigger abandonment feelings. Let’s say you walk into a restaurant with your friends and you suddenly see your … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery
| Tags: Abandonment, abandonment issues, aloneness, anxiety, childhood trauma, fear, heartbreak, how to raise self esteem, love, mental health, recovery, relationships, selfcare, separation anxiety
| No comments
Posted by Susan Anderson, Psychotherapist on June 12, 2019
One of the major reasons heartbreak hurts so much is the lack of closure. Sometimes remaining friends with your ex offers the opportunity to maintain a dialogue in which a greater understanding about the issues leading to the breakup can be exchanged. Other times, contact with an ex can prolong the pain and delay closure. … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery, heartbreak
| Tags: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, best life, divorce, grief, heartbreak, love, mental health, relationships, self esteem
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Posted by Susan Anderson, Psychotherapist on May 6, 2019
When someone rejects you they acquire power in your mind. They acquire power due to their ability to inflict pain. The more they hurt you the harder it is to let go. This is the painful paradox of abandonment. “Why does it take so long to get over it?” people ask. Those suffering from rejection … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, Break Ups, Divorce, Self Esteem
| Tags: Abandonment, divorce, friendship, healing, heartbreak, higher self, love, mental health, rejection, relationships, self esteem, therapy, wellness
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Posted by Susan Anderson, Psychotherapist on May 3, 2019
Heartbreak hurts so deeply because it pulls at that raw abandonment nerve we all share. It rips us open to the core, overwhelming us with powerful emotions – loss, despair, panic, shame, hopelessness – that seem all out of proportion to the actual event. Fortunately, we don’t have to suffer from abandonment pain for the … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, Relationships, Self Esteem
| Tags: Abandonment, abandonment issues, Emotional Crisis, healing, heartbreak, helplessness, hope, life, love, mentalhealth, relationships, surviving a breakup, therapy, wellness
| 2 comments
Posted by Susan Anderson, Psychotherapist on May 2, 2019
Do you have a commitment-phobic partner? You’re in a committed relationship. Or so you thought. But do you get the feeling that one of you is hedging your bets? Does your mate still act as if he or she is interested in meeting new people? You can sometimes suspect that your partner is still open … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, Heart Break
| Tags: Abandonment, commitment, committment, heartbreak, love, mental health, relationships
| No comments
Posted by Admin on April 24, 2015
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and PTSD of Abandonment There is a significant overlap between borderline personality disorder (BPD) and post traumatic stress disorder of abandonment (PTSD of Abandonment). In attempting to distinguish them, we are met with a lot of fine lines and nebula. Since there is a stigma attached to BPD, defining the difference … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, borderline personality disorder, BPD, bpd and ptsd, Break Ups, healing from abandonment, Heart Break, Outer Child, PTSD, Relationships, taming your outer child
| Tags: Abandonment, borderline personality disorder, divorce, heartbreak, Insecurity, outer child, relationships, self sabotage, Trauma
| 5 comments
Posted by Admin on March 10, 2014
No matter the circumstances, on some level we blame ourselves when a relationship ends. We take it as a personal failure. The depression that goes with heartbreak is caused by turning the anger we feel about the failure against ourselves. If we feel rejected by the person, multiply that by a thousand. The remorse and … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, BPD, Break Ups, Divorce, Outer Child, Relationships
| Tags: Abandonment, aloneness, blame, heartbreak, inadequacies, inner child, Insecurity, outer child, unworthy
| 1 comment
Posted by Admin on March 3, 2014
Overcoming the Trauma of Abandonment Abandonment has its own kind of grief trauma – a powerful grief universal to human beings. The grief can be acute – as when we go through the ending of a relationship, or chronic – as when we feel the impact of earlier losses and disconnection. The natural folds in … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, Break Ups, Divorce, Outer Child, Relationships, Uncategorized
| Tags: Abandonment, abandonment recovery, anger, divorce, grief, heartbreak, loss, love, relationships, separation
| 7 comments
Posted by Admin on November 19, 2013
Causes of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder of Abandonment Part Two There is a difference between Post Traumatic Stress (PTS) and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The difference is that the latter involves post traumatic symptoms that are enduring. Some people are more prone to the disorder than others. Why do some people who go … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, PTSD
| Tags: Abandonment, complicated grief, divorce, grief, heartbreak, PTSD, relationships, self sabotage, Trauma
| 4 comments
Posted by Admin on November 12, 2013
The intense emotional crisis of abandonment can create a trauma severe enough to leave an emotional imprint on individuals’ psychobiological functioning, affecting their future choices and responses to rejection, loss, or disconnection. Following an abandonment experience in childhood or adulthood, some people develop a sequela of post traumatic symptoms which share sufficient features with post … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, PTSD
| Tags: Abandonment, Break Up, Emotional Crisis, heartbreak, Insecurity, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, relationships, Trauma
| 98 comments
Posted by Admin on November 7, 2013
Millions of people are caught up in cycles of abandonment. Why do they keep repeating the same patterns over and over? What can they do to break free? One common pattern I call “abandoholism.” You’re alone and unfulfilled because you keep pursuing unavailable partners. When someone comes along who is genuinely interested, you suddenly feel … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, Outer Child, Relationships
| Tags: Abandonment, borderline personality disorder, complicated grief, divorce, grief, heartbreak, patterns, relationships, romance, self sabotage, stuck, workshop
| 4 comments
Posted by Admin on September 28, 2013
Self sabotage is the residual of unresolved abandonment. Its lingering insecurity and self doubt cause us to forfeit our long range goals. What about you? Do you sabotage your relationships? Your diet? Your career? Your bank account? These are among the ways, large and small, that people abandon themselves. By abandoning our most important dreams … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, Outer Child, PTSD, Relationships
| Tags: Abandonment, borderline personality disorder, complicated grief, divorce, grief, heartbreak, relationships, romance, self sabotage, workshop
| 4 comments
Posted by Admin on August 19, 2013
Abandonment is our first fear. It is primal and universal to all human beings. Abandonment is the special element that makes loss of a job, separation, bereavement and divorce so painful. Abandonment is that feeling of being left on the doorstep – of feeling left behind. The upheaval of divorce is considerable. There is the … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, Divorce, Outer Child, Relationships
| Tags: Abandonment, borderline personality disorder, complicated grief, divorce, grief, heartbreak, relationships, romance, self sabotage, workshop
| No comments
Posted by Admin on June 6, 2013
Abandonment creates an emotional crisis of such intensity and duration that it mimics a full blown borderline episode. This has caused many a therapist to diagnose borderline personality disorder (BPD) in many a client in the throes of a painful separation. When a client presents with an emotional volcano of abandonment, it is easy to … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, borderline and ptsd, borderline personality disorder, BPD, Break Ups, Heart Break, journey from abandonment to healing, Outer Child, Relationships, Self Esteem, taming your outer child
| Tags: Abandonment, borderline personality disorder, complicated grief, grief, heartbreak, relationships, self sabotage, workshop
| 38 comments
Posted by Admin on May 24, 2013
You feel the connection at first while you’re pursuing someone. The newness keeps you interested. But as soon as you become sure of them – let’s say they start to attach to you, desire your company, and accept all you have to give and maybe even want more – you put up a boundary. Whoa! … read the full article
Categories: Break Ups, Divorce, Outer Child, Relationships
| Tags: Abandonment, complicated grief, grief, heartbreak, relationships, self sabotage, workshop
| No comments
Posted by Admin on May 12, 2013
I’ve received thousands of letters from people telling me how abandonment trauma has wrecked their lives. Anxiety overwhelms them when they attempt a new relationship. They feel a painful lack of trust toward any potential partner which caused them to panic and withdraw. Their abandonment fear is just too intense to cope with. They also … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, Outer Child, Relationships
| Tags: Abandonment, complicated grief, grief, heartbreak, relationships, self sabotage, workshop
| 27 comments
Posted by Admin on May 10, 2013
Dear Fellow Abandonmates, I get frequent requests for individual psychotherapy from people visiting my website or reading my abandonment books. Due to scheduling issues, I’m able to give only occasional one-on-one abandonment consultations to new folks. But before setting up a session, I urge you to first attend one of my Abandonment Recovery workshops because … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, BPD, Break Ups, Divorce, Outer Child, PTSD, Relationships
| Tags: Abandonment, complicated grief, grief, heartbreak, relationships, self sabotage, workshop
| 3 comments
