I agree with the people who disagreed with me in my last blog entitled ‘Riding High on the Rebound.’ They emphasize the need to get to know yourself first and give yourself time to learn the lessons of the previous relationship. They suggest that there is nothing wrong with being alone. Alone does not mean … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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Being on the rebound can be healing. Self-help wisdom isn’t in line with this idea. Its consensus is that after having experienced a painful breakup, you should wait until you’re healed to start a new relationship. It goes on to suggest that if you become an emotional wreck during the early trials of a new … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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I’m trying to throw things out – I’ve collected thousands of pages of my writing over the years. Can’t I just junk it? Well, I’m trying, but a page stared back at me from the garbage pile – over a decade old. I had written it right after my marital partner (best friend, lover, soul … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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Do you sabotage your relationships? Your long range goals? Your diet? There are myriad ways we all abandon ourselves, forsaking our true needs and goals on a daily basis. Many of our (Outer Child’s) self-defeating patterns are aimed at our love-lives; others at our careers or life styles. Self sabotage has everything to do with … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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Also known as “Looking to Trade Up,” the bigger and better syndrome is the scourge of committed relationships. You are attracted to a new person. She turns you on. You’re into her. You start seeing her every chance you get. The sex is hot. You feel close, connected. You begin to imagine a future together. … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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Why is that? Why is it that the more they hurt you, the deeper in goes the hook? It’s a demoralizing dilemma to be in. A lot of you wrote about it this week. One person sent this message: “I feel like a fool. I should hate him [her husband] for all of the sneaking … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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Most of the time I feel like the Pied Piper of abandonment. Thousands of people have written their painful and agonizing abandonment scenarios to me through this website and Facebook. You’d think that over the years I would grow immune to feeling empathy for the pain they describe, but I read these things with amazement … read the full article
Categories: Abandonment, abandonment recovery
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I’ve had several people write to me about the push/pull dynamics in their love relationships. I’ve experienced this dynamic myself. I can remember in an early relationship, I wanted more from my boyfriend. We were in college and other women were interested in him, and he had not made me feel as if “he only … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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Triangles exist everywhere: Between YOU, your parents and another sibling Between YOU, your boss and his star employee Between YOU, your best friend and her other friend Between YOU, your girlfriend and her old boyfriend Between YOU, your partner and his alcoholism Between YOU, your wife and her child from a previous marriage Between YOU, … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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Several people wrote in about the painful dilemma of trying and failing to emotionally let go of their exes. They feel extremely intolerant toward themselves for being so stuck. This continued torment and clinging to their exes is completely involuntary, not subject to conscious control of their cognitive minds: “I try to stop thinking about … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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If you are trying to get over someone, you might feel like John who wrote into my forum: “Cold, Wet, Miserable, gray day outside and that’s just how I feel on the inside too. Guess we got another visit from the Withdrawal Fairy. Hurts like a Mutha, but I know it’ll pass.” The “Withdrawal” he … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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When the workplace triggers your issues… You begin to feel nobody values your ideas. Or somehow you become a scapegoat. Or your coworkers gravitate toward your rival. Or you’re overlooked for promotion. Or your staff actively ignores your directives. Or…. Any number of triggers can rekindle the old abandonment would, generating feelings you suffered in … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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I’ve gotten a lot of messages lately about relationships going out of whack. One minute you’re in sync and the next, one is pulling away, and the other is feeling abandoned. It makes me appreciate the fact that the most important commodity in a relationship is mutuality. Mutuality is precious. Once someone “wants more” from … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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We all have shame. It’s part of the human condition. Shame and primal abandonment are reciprocal. Whereas Abandonment is the fear of disconnection, Shame is feeling unworthy of connection. Their relationship is cyclical. They reinforce each other. Some of us are more shackled by shame than others. At any given time, depending on … read the full article
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Self Love Not Narcissism Caution: You don’t make yourself love’s object narcissistically. It’s more of a spiritual redirection of energy toward that central place within the self we all share – a universal place of quiet appreciation for the wonders of existence. Even if your existence has you currently writhing in spasms of torment, at … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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What happens when you’ve loved and lost? Someone writing into my website asked a penetrating, thoughtful question: “Dear Susan, In your chapter on Transcending, we learn about the `Higher Purpose of Love.’ “Is the Higher Purpose of Love, in general, that which is more than just wanting to be loved by someone special?” The answer, … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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Abandonment vs. the Self Some people want to understand why: Why do they doubt themselves? Why is their self-esteem eroded? Why does it hurt so much to be abandoned? To not be accepted? To feel slighted by a friend? How did this vulnerability set in? What caused it? What keeps it going? The simple answer … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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Stick to your diet? Have trouble with it? Taming Your Outer Child Slims You Right Down Outer Child is always trying to get immediate gratification, and the most immediately gratifying experience is popping a piece of food in your mouth – you taste and feel it instantly. Taming Your Outer Child has a truly effective program for … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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Outer Child — your internal nemesis — reacts to stress by falling back on overused, automatic patterns of behavior — kneejerk reactions you have been developing since childhood. They may have helped you cope with various stressors when you were younger, but they bypass the need to think and therefore are not subject to the wiser judgment of … read the full article
Categories: abandonment recovery
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Transcript: It’s now a few decades later, and I have become stronger and more accomplished than I ever would have imagined. And I’ve studied abandonment, of which shame is the cornerstone. And I’ve come to realize that shame is universal. There is a vein of shame that runs deep within the Self–within the abandonment nerve … read the full article
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Susan Anderson guides you through Five Stages that accompany a loss of love. Decades of research…
How to conquer self-sabotage, self-abandonment, procrastination, overeating, etc. and resolve your relationships
Revolutionary guidebook of step-by-step exercises for healing Heartbreak Loss Abandonment and finding Love. Hands-on help
By reading a simple story you gain deep emotional and spiritual healing. Cleansing Centering Connecting
