Recent Articles by Susan Anderson

Overeating Is an Abandonment Issue: How to Heal it

I love to eat, and then eat. It’s just the consequences I hate. What’s a potato chip but a prelude to the whole bag? What’s an M&M but a tease for a fistful? I’ve watched people eat just one cookie and then turn away. I study them as if they are extra terrestrials. They must … read the full article

How to Prevent Abandonment Issues From Sabotaging Your Love Life: 12 Things to Know on Your Path to Recovery

For many people, falling in love means becoming more vulnerable. It arouses our primal abandonment fear. It bubbles up from the deep, giving rise to feelings of insecurity that can cause some of us to become needy, clingy, or demanding, and others angry, frozen, or avoidant. To believe that your abandonment issues are blocking you … read the full article

How is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder of Abandonment Different From Borderline? Addressing the BPD Stigma and Treatment Choices

I’ve written previously about the differences between borderline personality disorder and post traumatic stress disorder of abandonment but here I’d like to explain why distinguishing the two seems important to me.  It has to do with the stigma attached to the diagnosis of “borderline.” The two diagnostic categories (BPD and PTSD of Abandonment) have an … read the full article

Overcoming Love’s Invisible Barriers: 12 Helpful Preparations

Has it ever occurred to you that love may be staring you in the face, but you just can’t recognize it? Maybe the person is too easily taken for granted, too available, doesn’t push your old insecurity buttons. Or maybe s/he doesn’t match up to some antiquated high school ideal about what a good catch … read the full article

Insecure and Not Sure Your Partner Is Fully Committed? Here Are 12 Tips

Are you attached to someone who doesn’t seem as committed as you are? Maybe they’re giving you double messages, keeping you at arm’s length, or pulling away when you try to get closer. Whatever the signs, your fear of abandonment has been triggered and you want to go back to feeling secure. It’s disquieting to … read the full article

Are You Alone, Stuck in a Pattern, and Can’t Get Out? 12 Ways Out

Are you and anyone you know caught up in cycles of abandonment? Why do people keep repeating the same patterns over and over? What can they do to break free? One common pattern I call “abandoholism.” You’re alone because you are attracted to the unavailable. When someone comes along who genuinely wants you, you feel … read the full article

We Are Strongest Where the Breaks Are: Do you have evidence of Post Traumatic Growth?

Is it possible that abandonment has made you stronger? Most people are familiar with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but what about Post Traumatic Growth? Post Traumatic Growth (PTG) is a concept developed over twenty years ago by professors Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun  to identify strengths we pick up from struggling through life’s adversities. When … read the full article

How to Quell Intense Anxiety and Panic

  There’s nothing worse than being suddenly beset with intense anxiety and panic. It’s an emotional hijack — a hostile takeover by the fear center of your brain. The part of you that is usually reasonable and self-reassuring has been momentarily knocked out of commission. You feel out of control, helpless, demoralized by the emotional … read the full article

‘The 36 Questions’ for Falling in Love: What Makes Them Work?

The world is full of love-worthy, eligible people looking for a way out of involuntary singleness. They want to put an end to their cycles of abandonment and find a long-term mutual relationship. They are determined to overcome any self-sabotaging patterns that might stand in their way. Some may be attracted to the unavailable. Some tend to … read the full article

Emotional Anorexia and Abandonment

  In working with the victims of abandonment trauma, I keep coming across folks who are emotionally anorexic.  When people attempt to give them love, they can’t seem to take it in.  They rather remain in a state of emotional starvation rather than risk abandonment – their greatest fear. As with almost all conditions, emotional … read the full article

How to Survive a Breakup: 12 Ways to Stop Blaming Yourself and Gain From It

  Click here to view recent articles. No matter the circumstances, on some level we blame ourselves when a relationship ends. We take it as a personal failure. The sorrow of heartbreak is not just about loss, but about self doubt. When rejection is involved in the breakup, it triggers primal rage which we turn against ourselves, … read the full article

Borderline vs. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder of Abandonment: Therapy Goals

  Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and PTSD of Abandonment  There is a significant overlap between borderline personality disorder (BPD) and post traumatic stress disorder of abandonment (PTSD of Abandonment).  In attempting to distinguish them, we are met with a lot of fine lines and nebula.  Since there is a stigma attached to BPD, defining the … read the full article

How to Overcome Fear of Abandonment: 7 Dos and 10 Don’ts

  It isn’t fear of abandonment that sabotages our relationships, it’s how we handle it. Fear of abandonment is primal fear – not something we get rid of. It is essential and universal to all human beings, a driving force in our connections. It can either interfere in our relationships or reinforce them. Once we … read the full article

How to Improve Your Self Esteem

Without realizing it we’ve been trying to improve the relationship we have with ourselves all of our lives, just not effectively. Most of us wish we could have higher self esteem. The good news is that we don’t have to go from having low self esteem to having high self esteem; we only need to … read the full article

How to Overcome Heartbreak

Heartbreak hurts so deeply because it pulls at that raw abandonment nerve we all share. It rips us open to the core, overwhelming us with powerful emotions — loss, despair, panic, shame, hopelessness — that seem all out of proportion to the actual event. Here are 12 facts to help you: Read more here on … read the full article

Three Different Abandonment Pills?

In looking out for helpful information on behalf of my readers, I’ve come across a few pills.  Pills?  You mean abandonment pills?  For when you’re going through heartbreak and loss? Well, sort of. People have always wished there could be a magic pill to cure the primal pain of abandonment, one that hopefully wasn’t addictive … read the full article

How to Get Over Abandonment — a Fast Track

When something triggers our primal abandonment pain — like a breakup, getting fired or rejected by school admissions, or dissed by a friend — it can be so ferocious and debilitating that we’d do almost anything to get past it. Read more here on Huffington Post! Click here to view recent articles. © Susan Anderson February 9, 2015  

How I Survived Abandonment: 12 Tips for a Complete Recovery

I developed the abandonment recovery program after the love of my life – my marital partner of eighteen years – suddenly up and left me for another woman. Read more here on Huffington Post! By Susan Anderson © 2015 Click here to view recent articles.

Did a Swan Commit Suicide because of Grief?

There was a report yesterday in the Daily Mail of a swan apparently committing suicide over the death of its mother.  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2905658/Is-proof-animals-commit-suicide-Young-swan-captured-apparently-drowning-distress-death-mother.html The photographs in the article may be open to interpretation, but they drive home the point that grief can be painful stuff and overwhelm us with feelings of inescapable loneliness and hopelessness. Human … read the full article

The Joy, Stress, and Vulnerability of the Holidays: 10 Ways to deal with Eustress

© Susan Anderson Dec 15 2014 Click here to view recent articles. Excited about the holidays? Stressed out by them?  Both? Just when you thought happiness was a positive thing, someone has to come up with Eustress – the stress you get from feeling good.  Eustress is the flip side of distress – its etymology: eu = … read the full article

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