Web User Name I Am
About this eBuddy I am new to this website and am excited about the healing available here thru the awareness of the problem. Looking for company to walk the path with if interested please email me. Thx :)
Date 9/5/2011

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Web User Name jeanne
About this eBuddy I am most concerned about raising my 5 year old daughter to love herself and experience an outer child who makes smart behavior choices so that she can develop into a healthy adult.
Date 8/15/2011

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Web User Name Violetta
About this eBuddy Hi, I’m a 28 year old female who has been struggling with abandonment issues for years. I am actually back here after 3 years, after rekindling(and the ending) of the relationship that brought me here to begin with. I am looking to speak to anyone, to gain perspective, mutual understanding, and bounce solutions off one another.
Date 7/28/2011

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Web User Name aculisa
About this eBuddy Hi there. I am a 43 year woman who has had a string of failed relationships (mostly brief). I am now in a year-long relationship with a really emotionally available man and I’m always freaking out. Is there anyone out there that is dealing with the fear of engulfment part if abandoholism??? I would really appreciate to talk with anyone out there who is dealing with these issues.

Date 6/20/2011

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Web User Name CarolinaEquine
About this eBuddy I am a 40 year old female with long deep issues of abandonment. Stared around age 4. Would like to talk to others and share what works, etc.
Date 6/13/2011

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Web User Name osferus
About this eBuddy I am a 54 years old male. I had many abandonment situations in my life, the last one. I got divorced at 9/09, but I really felt the abandonment two months ago when i found out she move on .I never cried so much in my entire life. Also, I found out now how my outer child scared away my partners. I would like have an ebuddy to talk about recovery.
Date 3/19/2011

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Web User Name Wings
About this eBuddy Hi, was rejected by my first love over a year ago now, we work together and he has moved on. I’m still learning to let go. In the meantime I have had the opportunity to meet me, of course this came with some frightful surprises and I am working on changing some of the refelction which alarmed me. I lost my mother when I was 16 and I’ve recently learnt that I was craving that nurturing love through my relationship, I also over compensated in vulnerability for my then partners inability to be vulnerable with me. Of course we were a great pair both with such emotional baggage and damage from our relationships with our Mothers, just with opposing outcomes in the way we dealt with them.
So now I feel I’ve internalized and worked a lot out, I’ve started finally living, I’m working very hard on falling in love with me, it’s been hard work but I’m starting to feel the progress. I’m human so everytime I see, hear or think of my ex I have that whole 2 steps forward and 1step backwards. It’s great to find a forum with people with the understanding and interest in what I’ve been reading and learning.
Date 1/31/2011

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Web User Name gigikris
About this eBuddy Started 2010 to be a happier and healthier me. I lost the weight but something still not right. Started looking back at relationships and realized there was a definite pattern. I’m looking for a friend to share my journey to healing from my abandonments.
Date 12/14/2010

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Web User Name penseuse
About this eBuddy I am a 35-year old woman who is utterly and completely shattering for the 2nd time in her life. I was married and divorced at a young age (23), and built my life back up over the last decade, alone. Two years ago I met a wonderful man who broke through my fear and loved me, and wanted marriage and family like I did. I loved and trusted him and had a vision of forever after. I sabotaged this relationship by drinking too much. I can’t resolve this guilt and shame. I can’t understand why I pushed away the one thing I cherished most in my life (I am not an alcoholic, this was impulsivity). I can not blame him for leaving me and never wanting to provide me closure since I was an utter fool. How does one move forward within this pain of shame and loss? I am left with no way to atone and no chance to correct it. I was given a miracle, and I tossed it away. I feel lost and hopeless. Please, help me.
Date 11/30/2010

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Web User Name Abandoned Valentine
About this eBuddy Losing my mom at the age of 10 has lead to many different issues in my life, I am just learning now that the lack of ability to remain in a heathly relationship is all caused by childhood trama…I am looking to share stories with people who have lost a parent and find as an adult now it is almost impossible not to run away from intamacy..
Date 10/18/2010

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Web User Name babygrand6
About this eBuddy 44 y/o separated woman, recently left after a year by someone I thought was my future. Been abandoned since childhood and seem to be living that over and over, tired of the hurt and pain. Looking for a friend who can relate and is healing, I am so ready to heal and move on with my life.
Date 9/21/2010

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Web User Name JJ
About this eBuddy My ex and I work together. He has moved on. I have not. Looking to give and receive support and encouragement from someone who may be in the place as I am.
Date 8/7/2010

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Web User Name lostlittlegirl
About this eBuddy I’ve been in a relationship with the same man since 6 months after my divorce in 04, but he was a good guy..I just felt he was too good and didnt trust him. So this yr he had enough of me and my distrust and being aloof that he aske me to find another place to live than with him, but we can continue to work on us. I feel he has been pulling away and it is driving me crazy tho my fault it hurts and now Im left to try to float and not drown. I’m a mess…help anyone please? I am in TX and I’ll let you know where if you can help
Date 7/31/2010

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Web User Name lostlittlegirl
About this eBuddy Divorced since 04 , 53 y/o lady repeat offender or despairingly bad relationships
Date 7/31/2010

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Web User Name ndidi
About this eBuddy just turned 35 2 days ago:-)

single mom with precious 7 year old boy.

dealing with custody battle with my son’s father because i had to move across the country to finish my undergrad and he didn’t want me taking our son with me. so i’m here finishing school without my son. it’s been just the 2 of us since he was a baby (his dad was unavailable & i ended the relationship shortly after my son was born).

still healing from my last relationship (1st one in 5 years). he was unavailable too and lied/betrayed me. we lived together and it ended painfully. we’ve stayed in contact, still talk often and say we love each other. i realize i need to let him go COMPLETELY to give myself space to heal & i feel sad thinking about having that conversation even though i know it’s necessary.

found this site to help me heal with my abandonment issues once and for all. have history of usual stuff: sexual abuse, emotionally unavailable dad, critical, phy. abusive episodes with mom, always been told i was “too sensitive”, felt there was something wrong with me i needed to fix. funnily, i do coaching and counseling with others and i’m great at helping them:-)

starting the workbook now, to help me work through my stuff. would appreciate connecting…

Date 5/6/2010

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Web User Name a lotus flower
About this eBuddy hi. i just finished reading everybody’s description about themselves to date before typing my own introduction and realized i’m probably not as alone in the world as i thought i was yesterday (and that’s quite a discovery for a girl who all her life has felt like nobody understood her). i’ve been writing my story since i received my first diary in grade school in an attempt to be understood “someday”; i’m now 45 years old, married with 3 children… and still writing. in a way, my writings are my best friends; they even give back to me. whenever i write, my purpose is to connect with someone down the road who will read my story and say, “me too.”

so, i’ve read your words…childhood neglect, verbal/sexual abuse, and abandonment…isolated, introverted, lonely, friendless (but want one desperately), living in a shell, misunderstood, shy, low self-esteem, sensitive, avoidance of social situations…raised in a dysfunctional family, rejected by family members, and the death of a parent at a young age…codependent, anxious, adult child of an alcoholic, and the experience of depression…counseling, medication, misdiagnosis, and lack of a support system…marriage, children, infidelity, and divorce…outwardly no issues but inwardly a mess…taking things personally, defensive, never feel good enough, obsessing, jumping to conclusions, misinterpreting, mind going a mile a minute, and a people-pleaser (who hates loud noises). to all that you’ve written, i reply, “me too.” and i welcome you to write to me. i’m starting the workbook tomorrow.

maybe you’ll appreciate the following as much as i did when i read it in a stephen king novel the other day, “the exhausted mind is obsessions easiest prey.” a new favorite quote of mine.

Date 4/21/2010

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Web User Name chocoholic
About this eBuddy “I’m trying to do the Big You Little You exercise and I’m having trouble. Can anyone give me an example of their big and little?”

I am having trouble with the Big/Little exercise. Can any one sent me some actual dialogues?

Date 12/22/2009

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Web User Name tamu89
About this eBuddy 43 y/o male, divorced/single, and beginning to face issues related to abandonment since childhood. Would like to correspond with others for sharing and support.
Date 12/14/2009

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Web User Name dolores
About this eBuddy I dont feel like I will make it through this. I have become a shell
Date 12/13/2009

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Web User Name dolores
About this eBuddy I dont feel like I will make it through this. I have become a shell
Date 12/13/2009

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Web User Name medic
About this eBuddy I can’t believe I fell for this again and I can’t believe how sharp the pain is. I was in love, or what I thought was love and then for no reason at all, it was over. WOW, it was not like I didn’t know it was coming. I knew it was going to happen. I am just amazed that I always look surprised. This was a classic. All the signs were there. in fact I didn’t even want to go out on a date with her. But I did…. I had to. The attraction was just to great. Then, just as quick as it started, it was over. And so was my ego. I beat myself up so bad. I didn’t do enough, I could have done better, ect….. Now, I sit here crying everyday, and paying of the bill that I have racked up to make her happy. Don’t know if anyone out there is listening, but who cares? I wouldn’;t want to hear me either.
Date 10/28/2009

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Web User Name Broken Wing
About this eBuddy Hello all. Just writing a small excerpt for anyone wanting to chat with me. I am a recently married woman at 27 and have been with this man for 7 years prior to the wedding. I have been through a lot and just recently realized I had abandonment issues. I know some of my issues are justified with my husband, but I also had issues before I met him, just wasn’t aware of it until I was triggered. I want to preserve my marriage, but won’t if I don’t get some help. Can anyone talk to me please? I am desperate for some like-minded people to talk to.
Date 10/14/2009

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Web User Name medic
About this eBuddy Single, Divorced, gay woman. Oh, ya 40 years old. I just signed yup for this website and i can’t get over the pain that is out there. As I read scores of stroy I relized that I was not at all alone. What amazes me even more, is that there is not enoght focus on this issue. What the heck? This pain is so unbearable that I have not eaten for days. I can’t think straight, I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to shower or even talk on the phone. The break up that I am going though right now was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Why am I sad?

Date 10/11/2009

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Web User Name Jennifer8
About this eBuddy Struggling with letting go an repeat abandoner. I am recently abandoned and still continue to believe I could have prevented this. I hurt, but have hope.
Date 8/17/2009

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Web User Name Laurie M
About this eBuddy I’m a 48 year old single woman with 3 teenagers. I’ve just been left by my best friend. I miss him so much it is so painful. He “met someone”. I’m so hurt, he is all I can think about. I just need to “talk” (email) to someone. My whole life seems hopeless.
Date 7/27/2009

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Web User Name Savanah
About this eBuddy Feeling very empty and alone sometimes, need a friend who really understands!!
Date 6/19/2009

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Web User Name kizzy1972
About this eBuddy I am an abandonment survivor but also a cognitive behaviour student. I would really like to set up support groups in Scotland and would love to get in touch with anyone who would be interested. It would also be good to chat to other people on a personal level to people in any country. If you feel you want to get in touch please do. I’m a 36 year old single mother of two.
Date 5/7/2009

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Web User Name healthy1
About this eBuddy I’m a 35 year old lesbian who came out 2 1/2 years ago. That time has been filled with tremendous self-growth and personal discovery. Unlike many individuals who travel this path, the “coming out” process was not overly traumatic for me. I have a wonderful support system and am very secure in who I am. But, I have experienced the painful emotions associated with the loss of three significant relationships. I need to work through intense feelings of abandonment and would appreciate corresponding and seeking advice from those who have travelled a similar path. I welcome communication and look forward healing together.
Date 4/25/2009

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Web User Name Chris T
About this eBuddy I’m a 46 year old mother of three, married for 25 years and a successful real estate agent. I suffer from abandonment issues deeply entrenched when I was a kid. At the age of 1 month went into foster care. Adopted at 3.5 years old into a dysfunctional family that abused me. At 15 went back into foster care. Outwardly I don’t appear to have any issues but inwardly I am a mess. I don'[t have any friends and one child is 25 and married the other two kids are about to grow up and leave the house and already busy with their own agenda…I’m really struggling…can anyone relate?
Date 3/22/2009

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Web User Name jayson
About this eBuddy Hello I am 38 years old, and have been in a committed relationship for 6 years to my male partner. He has suddenly announced that he is going to return to his earlier interests in performing on stage, and hanging around two friends of his who are absolutely trash and who abuse him, and who have no regard for me or our relationship. So far he has been completely unwilling to form any compromise, and I am shocked since he told me when we started that he was so sick of the “scene” and really hated those two so-called “friends.” I really don’t see how I will go on with him under these circumstances, he knows damn good and well I do not want to be married to an entertainer who spends most of his time at trashy nightclubs. However, I am experiencing panic and depression at the thought of leaving him. Would love to chat with others about their experiences and insights.
Date 3/4/2009

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Web User Name joce1962
About this eBuddy I am 46 and becoming aware of my sickness. I have been in a relationship for almost four years,he broke up with me because I wanted more all the time I guess, and I managed to win him back I guess, but now I am in a constant state of insecurity because the relationship is different,less time, less I love you’s it is excruciating at times. Also wondering how to get the full benefit of this site, do I buy the book and go through steps on line?
Date 2/28/2009

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Web User Name Jewels
About this eBuddy I just ended a 1 1/2 year relationship with my live in boyfriend. He was very involved in a sexual interaction site and I found out. I know that it is not the type of relationship that I want but I am still struggling with letting go and issues of abandonment. I am 52.
Date 1/19/2009

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Web User Name heart_on_my_sleeve
About this eBuddy I am a 31 year old lesbian going through a series of breakups all ending the same way. The most recent breakup has been so tough to get over. I dated a woman for 4 years and found out that she was cheating on me for half of that time. We made plans for the future, but it was all a lie. After that I realized that she was a compulsive liar…she would lie about everything. It’s been so hard for me to let her go. She swears up and down that she is so in love with me. We don’t talk for a couple weeks then she contacts me to pour her heart out. I am determined after this last time to keep her out of my life for good. I know it’s what I have to do. It’s been really tough for me to do. I am praying for the strength to let her go.
Date 1/4/2009

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Web User Name MsM
About this eBuddy I would like to give/get support from someone who was abandoned as a child and has recently been abandoned in a marriage.
Date 12/30/2008

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Web User Name vivalamusica
About this eBuddy Sad in Ct
Date 12/26/2008

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Web User Name Feebee
About this eBuddy Feel very vulnerable after years of recovery from addictions, years in therapy dealing with the trauma bond that is part of the abandonment wound. I am seeking more hope through relationships with others in the same situation of completely starting over from the inside out.
Date 12/25/2008

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Web User Name Feebee
About this eBuddy I am a 48 year old woman. Divorced for 13 years with 4 grown children.
Date 12/25/2008

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Web User Name butterfly2009
About this eBuddy Once again I find myself in the throes of Shattering. I have picked up The Journey from Heartbreak to Connection several times and read parts and then stopped. Each time I thought I learned even though I have never completed all the exercises. However, inevitably I would wind up with an abandaholic never fully realizing that these are the only people I am attracted to. This time another man rejected me and I realize he never really was available. I have been through 2 divorces and endless broken relationships in between. I am now at a point where I think I finally realize that I am choosing men that will only break my heart. You would think that after so many breakups it would get easier but I think it has actually gotten harder because rejection upon rejection has built, never fully recovering from the previous ones so each one is reopening the wound deeper and deeper. I really need help and support. I can’t go through this again. I feel defeated and scared that I will always stay in this cycle. I want to stop. I don’t want to hurt this way anymore.
Date 12/8/2008

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Web User Name A Symbiotic Hostess
About this eBuddy I am long separated from my husband of 25 years. I got married very young and I consider myself still a young woman at 48. I had a 3 year relationship with a chronic compulsive liar. Now, a man I thought was my prince charming has, after a year, become an emotionally abusive cheater. After showering me with gifts, love, emails and phone calls for 3 months, he suddenly shut it off like a light switch and has become brooding, elusive, and callous. This is some kind of crazy nightmare. I am in therapy and, although I know he is wrong for me, I can’t let him go. My friends are disappointed in me. My grown children don’t even know the hell he has been putting me through because I put a happy face on everything. This situation has begun to affect my physical health. Feel free to write. I need a pal.
Date 10/3/2008

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Web User Name abmom
About this eBuddy I am a 66 year old mother and grandmother. My daughter just severed relations with me for the second time. I feel lost and want to run away.
Date 9/17/2008

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Web User Name InYourFaceNewYorker
About this eBuddy Every time I have a crush on someone, even though I try to hide it (because I know they’re not interested) it comes out in a destructive way and the guy who was once a good friend abandons me without explanation. I’m almost 28 years old and have been dealing with this for 11 years. I’m going to a therapist now but all he does is say “uh huh” “uh huh.” I also have Asperger’s Syndrome and OCD, which probably is partially a cause of the problem. Is this familiar to anybody? If so, please contact me. I live in NYC.
Date 9/4/2008

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Web User Name babyboomer
About this eBuddy I am in Camas, WA…next to Portland. Would luv to find a support group??
Here’s my lesson learned..hope it helps many NOT go through it….I just went through another breakup for the second time with the same person. BEWARE letting any former boyfriends back into your life TOO soon! The pain of him wanting out the first time hadn’t passed…it takes time for the chemical/emotional/physical changes to fade, and they WILL..just takes time. He came back within 3 months and really tried to convince me he wanted to TRY again. So, since I was still in that WANT him stage for all the wrong reasons…our hearts scream..”GO BACK.” Sure enough a few months later he wanted out again, only this time he was verbally abusive when I left.

So….now that I have gone through the pain again, chemical changes in my brain/body are back to a more normal level…I can think and feel much more clearly, and WOULD NOT want him back.

Please remember it takes TIME..wish it didn’t, but it’s just the way our bodies/brains work. Was very painful to be dumped twice by him….but finally after about 3 months, I can see the light!!

Date 9/1/2008

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Web User Name startingnow
About this eBuddy I live in Portland, OR. I am 43 and am dealing with the end of yet another terrible relationship. Since he left he has told me some of the many lies he told me while we were together, and some of the many times he cheated and betrayed me. All along he has told me I am paranoid, that I don’t trust him, while I sat alone and cried when he was gone overnight many many times. Everyone told me he was bad but I believed. I believed in him, and I thought we had a great love. Now he tells me there was never any love on his part and that he was never attracted to me (I am 30 pounds overweight). I am utterly disgusted at what I put myself through for the past one and a half years. I am in therapy but it does not seem right. Therapist just tells me to stop contacting ex, and to make friends and do recreational things. I feel this is a really deep thing, that I’ve had since early childhood, but I don’t know how to change it. I need help so badly. Don’t know where to turn. Pain feels too big to bear.
Date 8/14/2008

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Web User Name Talina
About this eBuddy I am a 37-year-old female who just ended a very intense 4-month relationship 3 weeks ago. He started seriously distancing and indicated that he “needed time with himself” (via text message!!) the day before I was supposed to fly out to see him (long distance relationship). I somehow got the courage to write him and tell him I wasn’t interested in continuing a relationship with him (I don’t know if he would have come back or not, but I knew it was hopeless anyway). I’ve had serious attachment and abandonment issues my whole life. I was adopted as a baby and basically emotionally abandoned by my adoptive parents – they are good people and I know they did their best, but for whatever reason we never bonded and have never been close. My brother (also adopted) is schizophrenic and has gotten most of the attention my whole life, adding to the resentment and frustration. I don’t think I’ve ever had a healthy relationship with a man. I either am so terrified of getting close that I sabotage the relationship (happened once when I was young), or, more commonly, become attracted and involved with men who are either completely inappropriate for me or emotionally unavailable. Or, I spend long periods of time (years) hiding from relationships. I’ve been able to maintain close friendships with women for most of my life (although a very good friend I’d known for 10 years basically abandoned me in January, telling me that we “no longer have anything in common – good luck, it’s been nice knowing you”, etc. – I was devastated). But my relationships with men cause me great anxiety, and when they end it brings my life to its knees. I truly think there’s a part of me somewhere inside that thinks I’m literally going to die when I lose someone. When my first breakup happened at 20 it caused what I now think was essentially a nervous breakdown. Looking to chat with others in similar situations to support each other. I will be attending Susan’s recovery workshop at Esalen this September.
Date 7/26/2008

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Web User Name astro
About this eBuddy I am a 34 year old female who discovered I have abandonment issues about a year ago. It has caused me lots of distress with friendships and relationships. My insecurity and fears caused a really good man to leave me 5 months ago. I’m healing but it’s been a tough road.
There isn’t a support group in my area (Louisville, KY) so I’m looking for someone to talk to for mutual support/friendship…talking about things is part of the recovery process so I joined this site today in hopes of giving and receiving support.
Date 7/16/2008

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Web User Name Violetta
About this eBuddy Hi, I am 25 years old and I am recently coming out of a rough relationship, actually with a BPD(borderline personality disorder) sufferer. Through my relationship with him, and the turbulent push and pull, many of my own abandonment issues have surfaced. I’m looking for some people who are facing their own fears and issues with abandonment, no matter in what form. Looking to be able to mutually support and encourage one another.
Date 7/8/2008

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Web User Name dedicated to recovery
About this eBuddy I have experienced multiple losses throughout my 36 years. I tend to put walls up when I meet people so I do not have to go through the loss of another friend. I have read both of Susan Anderson’s books and am looking for a buddy who wants to communicate and provide encouragement for one another.
Date 7/7/2008

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Web User Name butterfly1
About this eBuddy Went through a break up about 6 weeks ago. Having trouble moving on. Always seem to pick the wrong man. Have been working hard in therapy to change patterns and have healed a lot but am desiring extra support at this time in my life. I am used to facing things alone and am now realizing that I don’t have to. There is help and I can ask for it! Just wanting to find other people who can support me and vice versa.
Date 6/22/2008

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Web User Name katrat
About this eBuddy Five months ago I broke up with my girlfriend. she has treated me both hot and cold and it is difficult to navigate. I am an adoptee who also lost my adopted mom to cancer and my sister is “gone” to drugs. Looking to share and recover.
Date 6/2/2008

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Web User Name choco
About this eBuddy About 8 weeks ago the H came home and said he had enough, needed his own space and walked. This is after fourteen years of marriage.

We’ve been in touch once or twice since and I asked him several times if there was someone else or if he was planning on seeing other people. He kept saying this was time he needed for himself and no, he wasn’t planning on seeing others (didn’t make sense given that this was now a permanent separation so obviously not true).

I spoke with him last Tuesday and said I wanted some answers, namely what was the bottom line. He said ‘we’re separated’ and he doesn’t see that changing. But for some peculiar reason he didn’t want a divorce (as in his words that would make us enemies and he didn’t want that). But I have no doubt that will change.

My instinct has been screaming at me that this whole thing isn’t what he says. For my own peace of mind, I needed some answers so I hired a private detective and have since discovered he’s quite seriously involved with someone else and was involved with this tart when he walked out. She was the reason (I strongly suspect she gave him an ultimatum). They went away on holiday together, she stays at his, he spends the weekends at her’s. She’s a 44 year old daddy’s girl who’s family is worth millions. She is the quintessential ritch bitch who is used to calling the shots, getting what she wants, when she wants it and who she wants it with. My heart is breaking.

What makes this all so especially difficult is that I have MS and am unable to live a ‘normal life’. Whilst I’m still ‘walking’ it’s with great awkwardness and at times difficulty. Hence, I don’t go out – am embarrassed to be seen and have made the difficult choice of opting for isolation over humiliation.

Throughout the marriage, the H was involved in picking up other women although it was mostly (as far as I know) for the thrill of the pull and getting the phone numbers and initial meet ups. This time last year he really outdid himself and got found out for placing a singles advert. I half sarcastically said to him one day following this revelation ‘of course you find these other women attractive, they can be proper women’. He kindly agreed by saying ‘well that’s part of it’. When I sought further clarification, he said ‘well you know, they move normally’. All this did was confirm the views I hold of myself and those I knew he held of me.

I know he got fed up being married to a dork, someone who had a condition which prevented her (and therefore him) from enjoying life to the fullest and now he’s with a whole and healthy tart who is able to be a ‘proper woman’. The bitch knew he was married and based on his behaviour when he came home that day he left, I’m convinced she gave him an ultimatum.

We were together fourteen years and I feel that a third of my life has been nuked, just exploded in my face and been eradicated. *Logically* I know he’s a good for nothing *&^%, that he’s not been good to me or for me, that I’m better off without him and he’s got some serious mental issues. His personality is such that it borders on Asperger’s Syndrome.

The problem is I am emotionally bereft. My life has been turned upside down through no doing of my own. The fact that I have been summarily dumped, that he no longer (did he ever?) loves me nor cares, that he literally upped and walked away from all his responsibilities (he’s just quit his high powered job to look for a job as a courier or some such position requiring no responsibility at all) – all these facts have conspired to leave me traumatised and with little hope or belief in any kind of future.

Whether it’s a mid life crisis, or just having had enough – the end result is the same – 1/3 of my life has been eradicated and I am now functioning in a type of vacuum.

I am now living on my own 24/7. I have no family and friends are all miles away. I am struggling to find some spark of light in this very long dark tunnel. Problem is each day is like the one before and the one following. Because of the MS I am unable to do what a whole person might do and that is pick up and start over again and live life. I exist. I don’t want to but just getting around from A to B can be a bitch, you don’t have much of a choice. There is a will just not a way.

I feel like I have been hit in the gut by a heavyweight boxer – my world is gone and my heart is breaking.

Date 5/29/2008

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Web User Name determinedtosee
About this eBuddy I am a new resident of northwest Georgia and am interested in a group in the Atlanta area or northwest Georgia area. I’m a young 63 yr old woman, just discovering that I have abandonment issues…I’m thankful to discover this – helps me to better define the areas I need and want to work through.
I moved here to be closer to my adult children and grandchildren…I detest the lonliness I feel – feeling like “I don’t belong”…I have a wonderful job, but want more out of life than just working. I want a full life, friends, and yes, even a love relationship. I’m not too old…
anyone in the Georgia area willing to join me in this journey of healing?
Date 4/22/2008

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Web User Name IntotheLight
About this eBuddy Just found this site. I’m reading the Abandonment Recovery book (again) and just ordered the workbook (used from Amazon).

I’ve suffered a series of failed relationships. I want to end the pattern, become a healed and whole person before attempting another relationship.

I’m a female, 45 years, single mom.

Anyone else determined to beat the abandonment cycle?

Date 3/30/2008

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Web User Name squarepeg
About this eBuddy Im a forty six year old woman who has just been abandoned by my female partner. I am devasted and when my emotions give me some respite I try to read the workbook. I seem to tick all the dammed boxes on nearly every page!!! I would love a buddy to support me at this time. It doesnt matter about gender or sexuality to me…Ive read your postings and know that hurt is hurt. I want the crying, numbness, adoring her, loving her,missing her,wanting her to stop.I want that dammed book to tell me …or even better give me an actual date when I can feel better. Im normally such a bouncy fun got together woman who cares about life and others but at the moment…Im a wreck.please buddy this sad but potentially good women.
Date 3/23/2008

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Web User Name fionna
About this eBuddy I’m a 34 yo lesbian living in NYC. 7 days ago I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me AGAIN with the same woman she did almost a year ago. We lived together and I truly thought the worst was behind us. We had a “present” and what I thought was a lifetime together. Promise after promise….and still, she cheats. Wasn’t the pain and humiliation you caused enough the first time? How could she do this to me again? I can’t breath, I can’t focus, and I can’t stop crying. I’m stuck in the memories and all the routines we had. I need help so badly. My heart is suffocating. I have never felt so used, rejected, ugly and betrayed in all my life. I’m so broken, I can’t imagine ever feeling happy again. I’m surrounded by amazing friends and family yet nothing they say makes me feel any better. AMR you have destroyed everything that was sacred to me!!!!
Date 2/22/2008

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Web User Name JudithJ
About this eBuddy I live in Baltimore, MD and work for Johns Hopkins University as a Substance Abuse Therapist. I would like to start a support group here in Baltimore and if anyone reads this, please contact me.
Date 1/25/2008

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Web User Name mara
About this eBuddy I would like to be able to talk to someone who understands general heartaches that never go away. Emotional connection, insecurity, low self-esteem endless soul search…Sometimes it seems there is nothing to fill that empty space inside:no husband, no children, no outward success,no friends, no self development,…I often ask myself what is wrong with me? Very self-centered I know but pain does that to us. Has someone found the way?
Date 1/24/2008

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Web User Name Big Guy
About this eBuddy test test test
Date 1/9/2008

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Web User Name Marianne
About this eBuddy Just out of a short term marriage 51 year old married 4 times to emotionally unavailable/addicted men. I’m a recovery addict clean 18 years and now I’m healing from all the trauma. Staying out of relationships .Its rough on the weekends looking for an email buddy.
Date 1/7/2008

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Web User Name blue
About this eBuddy I am 28-years-old. NEED help recovering! For the last 6-months I have been in charge of planning our wedding. I made all of the arrangements, short of paying the bill. My parents wanted a big wedding. Their were five days of festivities concluding with our wedding on 11/11/07. Over 250 people attended. On 11/13/07 my new husband and I went on our 11-day honeymoon in Maui. I thought we had a fabulous time!

I love my husband with all of my heart. I thought we were going to be together the rest of our lives. I won’t deny that our relationship was stressed and damaged a degree due to all of the heavy stress of wedding planning, but I never imagined in my worst nightmares that my husband would completely abandon my daughter and I just one week after we returned from the honeymoon!

I’ve read Susan’s book but I still need more help! I’m devastated and unhappy. My 2 1/2-year-old is confused as well. No one saw this coming. I don’t know what to do.

Date 1/2/2008

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Web User Name little lion
About this eBuddy I’m a 25-year-old artist, musician, and full-time employed. I’m strong in my convictions and still have good morals and values. I’ve been abandoned by every person I’ve cared very much about, from my parents to the love of my life. I’m hoping this book will help me learn how to break the cycle, or at least not take the wound in so deep so that I can live my life more fully and happily. The day-to-day of the whole thing is very hard, but it’s all worth it when I feel the lifting again, that I’m alone, as we all are, and that it’s good.
Date 12/28/2007

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Web User Name Marianne
About this eBuddy 51 year old sick and tired of being sick and tired. Married 4 times and currently separated.learning how to heal.
Date 12/25/2007

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Web User Name inkyfeline
About this eBuddy I’m a 38 year old female in CA, single mom, currently seeing someone, but having a great deal of trouble connecting with him. I seem to have over-lifted. Sounds handle-able when I write it down, but it drives me crazy! I lately end up feeling like the men I meet are smothering, too needy, not good enough, irritating, etc. I’m trying to do the work to break my cycle, but I could use some feedback from a person/people who can relate. I don’t want to end up alone, and I REALLY don’t want my son to suffer for my issues!
Date 11/24/2007

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Web User Name Space12
About this eBuddy I’m a 33 year old male divorced 3 years ago and having a tough time healing in general, and finding that this probably came from deeper in the past. While I’ve dated after the divorce, I found it hard to identify who’s best for me. Just wanted to find someone to chat with and exchange emails.
Date 11/17/2007

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Web User Name jodee
About this eBuddy I have been involved with a man for nearly 6 years who I have mostly battled to get him to be in a “normal” relationship with me. He has promised me over and over he’s leaving his wife, and has had what i believed were emotional affairs with other women the entire time…now I found out he was having sexual affairs all over the place, and even spoke of marriage with another woman. He needs serious help with his own issue’s and I know I could never trust him, and most of the time don’t even like who he is. Why can’t I let go of him then? I am so emotionally attached to him and so miserable at the same time. He tells me how much he loves only me yetI can’t understand how he could hurt me at the same time. I was emotionally neglected as a child and even still as a 43 year old adult, by my parents. All I long for is someone to love me..someone who I can trust will be there for me and will let me love them. I don’t blame him for this..I know it’s my fault for allowing it to happen…I just don’t know how to stop it.
Date 11/12/2007

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Web User Name Just George
About this eBuddy I’m 40, male, 3 kids, professionally successful, and newly divorced. Just today I had the epiphany that I have abandonment issues. Even in a good relationship I keep waiting for the shoe to drop and the other person to leave. I keep giving and giving to the point of desperation. I have anxiety attacks coupled with claustophobia when there are bumps in the relationship. I cling tighter as they pull away because I’m smothering them. Needy and paranoid with a proclivity to internalize. Can’t seem to make the hollow feeling go away. If anyone is dealing with these issues or can tell me how to cope (or recover) I’d really like to talk to you
Date 10/26/2007

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Web User Name D1984
About this eBuddy I am 22 years old gay man in the UK, and have always pretty much alone until I met my last partner who I fell completely and untterly in love with and now it is over and he has a new partner, I wake up some morning wanting to just not wake up again. I know I will get through it but its so hard to make my heart feel the same thing as my head, would like to hear from other people going through this or who have been through this, to swap stories maybe help each other.
Cheers
Date 10/9/2007

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Web User Name MaryA
About this eBuddy I am looking for people to correspond with who have similar abandonment issues. I grew up without a father because my mom didn’t want him in my life (long story). My mom always made me feel (to this day)unworthy, unloved and never good enough. Always negative. I never had many close friends and find it hard to trust. All the relationships I have been in have been with “unavailable” men who didn’t really care for me. I want to break these patterns so hard but just can’t seem. At the moment, I have been seeing a commitmentphobic man for the last year or so. He will not commit to me and sees a married woman also. This relationship leaves me feeling empty and humiliated every day. And as easy as it may seem, I just can’t seem to walk away, in fear of being alone. Can anyone relate?
Date 8/29/2007

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Web User Name silverkisses
About this eBuddy Hi – 30 yr old female from NYC, looking for a buddy to chat about my current situation
Date 8/29/2007

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Web User Name silverkisses
About this eBuddy Would like to chat with ppl that are going through a recent breakup…my situation is kinda unique. Looking forward to hearing from someone.
Date 8/24/2007

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Web User Name imme
About this eBuddy It’s been nearly 6 yrs since my husband of 25 yrs left. I had never lived alone before and am still struggling with getting back out in the world. It is risky to trust myself. I’m hunkered down in my apartment and wonder, what do you do when you feel that it’s too much to go outside?
Date 8/18/2007

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Web User Name lilalila
About this eBuddy 55 year old lady, in a committed long term (30 year) relationship. Abandenment issues come up and now i am learning to deal with these issues in a healthier way. it feels good. Am working on getting more committed to myself than to him, which empowers me
Date 8/3/2007

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Web User Name latinjewel
About this eBuddy I am 50, divorced since 2003 and have had two long (over a year) relationships that have ended suddenly. This last one was especially hard since we were to be married. He just ended it when i thought we were doing fine. I’m having a very tough time. Sundays are the worst when you are in pain. Would love to find a pal to s share with. Would like to find someone who can relate…so desperate
Date 7/22/2007

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Web User Name Jen09
About this eBuddy I am 24 years old and currently experiencing problems with abandonment issues and though I am contemplating accessing Rational Emotional Behavioural Therapy I would also like to make contact with others with similar feelings so that I do not feel so alone in all this. I guess my problems started when I was 17 and lost my mother to cancer. My relationship with my father was never good and deteriorated from this point until he servered contact with me when I was 20. Since this I have gone on to experience more abandonments and feel very alone and that it is my fault. My relationship with my boyfriend has also just ended because he could’t handle my clingyness which results from my abandonment issues. Is anyone out there experiencing similar things?
Date 7/17/2007

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Web User Name Coco
About this eBuddy I’m a 37 yo female and recently broke up with an emotional unavailable and emotional abusive guy. We went on and off our relationship more than 3 times within a year and finally I ended it up because it was nothing but pain. I feel like I finally learned my lessons completely. I started to take care of myself since I realized existence of my Little, Big, and Outer. Actually I’m a Japanese and I have no family in here. I really need somebody to talk to. Is there anybody whom we can share our stories and support each other? I’m ashamed that I still don’t know what love is because I was raised by a disfunctional family. If you did overcome how to connect people and developed your love, please help me….I am an adult child and I rarely ask for help but this time, I cannot do this by myself. Please help me. Thank you.
Date 7/8/2007

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Web User Name Coco
About this eBuddy I’m a 37 yo female and recently broke up with an emotional unavailable and emotional abusive guy. We went on and off our relationship more than 3 times within a year and finally I ended it up because it was nothing but pain. I feel like I finally learned my lessons completely. I started to take care of myself since I realized existence of my Little, Big, and Outer. Actually I’m a Japanese and I have no family in here. I really need somebody to talk to. Is there anybody whom we can share our stories and support each other? I’m ashamed that I still don’t know what love is because I was raised by a disfunctional family. If you did overcome how to connect people and developed your love, please help me….I am an adult child and I rarely ask for help but this time, I cannot do this by myself. Please help me. Thank you.
Date 7/8/2007

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Web User Name zzCatzz2007
About this eBuddy I just discover my core issue is ‘abandonment’ from my childhood. I was very sad, and had a good cry but now I am ready and willing to do whatever it takes to recover and learn from it. I hope to find buddies/group to create positive energy and with our willingness to create happiness. Since I just sign up and still need to purchase the workbook and the book itself, I am not exactly sure how this site or program work. But I do see the benefit of having a good support that understand the concept and have the experience but also having a positive attitude. I know I can offer the same. To give you a bit more info about me, I committed with my whole self on my personal growth journey since 2006. I am very happy and proud but still having this stuck feeling until I finally understand my core issue of ‘abandonment’. I am also in the process of being train as a life coach in the past few months and have been helping my practise clients on their self-love issues. The experience and feedbacks are rewarding. I hope I can continue to help others by being an example. Again, I am looking forward to work on my core issue and hope I can find a good support for this part of the journey. Looking forward to hear from you! sincerely, Catherine Calgary, Alberta Canada
Date 7/4/2007

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Web User Name chachawatusi
About this eBuddy hairstylist, one son living in chicago, i live in the south. very lonely. been abandoned twice this year. once from relationship of 11 years. second time from relationship of two years. fear of commitment. personality disorders. evilness. who knows? i am extremely depressed but have no insurance as i am self-employed.
Date 6/27/2007

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Web User Name chachawatusi
About this eBuddy I am 50 years old and was just abandoned by ex who i believe has a narcissistic personality disorder. And of course I am co-dependent. Have been trying to unravel the meaning for years. Life can be hell but I am looking for a way out of the black hole I have been in. Can’t imagine actually finding love but at least some peace and joy. Would like to compare notes and see if there is a common thread running through ourselves and those we love. It becomes clearer as I look deeper within and educate myself. Hope it does the same for us all.
Date 6/11/2007

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Web User Name Little Bear
About this eBuddy 29 yo Australian woman, dealing with inability to allow for close, loving and fulfilling relationships. I experienced childhood abandonment by my mother, father and siblings at different times growing up. Through this instability, I also encountered neglect and emotional/mental abuse.
I’m not currently in a relationship (obviously!) as I find them so threatening/terrifying. It’s not for the lack of people being interested, but my instinctive defenses when people have wanted to get close. I am aware this is entirely due to my abandonment issues and I am at the point where I am tired of being bound by these childhood fears and mistrust of others.
I’m seeking to form mutually supportive relationships to help me move out of this imprisonment. I am also hoping to make the process as light as possible, so people with a sense of humour would be great. We’ve been through enough misery, hey? Why add to it…
I look forward to meeting with you,
LB
Date 6/10/2007

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Web User Name Trixie
About this eBuddy I am 58, married nearly 29 years and my husband walked out the 10th of May. I still don’t know why. I just feel so alone and the pain is nearly unbearable.
Date 6/3/2007

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Web User Name Allwoundshealintime
About this eBuddy I am 42 years old and have been divorced 1 year (2nd marraige) – I have been in therepy for 8 months trying to figure out why I’ve had two failed marraiges……..GUESS WHAT ? I KEEP CHOOSING THE WRONG KIND OF MAN…….. :) Can anyone please tell me how to find the RIGHT KIND OF MAN ?
Date 5/22/2007

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Web User Name melissa
About this eBuddy Hi,
I am a women who was just cheated on and abandonded by my same-sex partner of 6 years. I am desparate for help…i have this queeziness in my stomach that will not go away, i cant sleep or concentrate on work. I just joined and am reading the book and I’ve ordered the workbook. Does anyone have any suggestions for immediate relief? this is unbelievably difficult.
Date 5/22/2007

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Web User Name slc1noles
About this eBuddy I could really use someone to talk to that has been through similar experiences.
I lost my mom from cancer when I was 11 and am dealing with major relationship issues now that I believe are because of my mom passing away. I fall in love so quickly and then am completely destroyed when it ends which most of the time is caused from me pushing them away.
Any advice or just a friend right now would be greatly appreciated.
Date 5/20/2007

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Web User Name 1st Lady
About this eBuddy I am newly divorced at age 53; trying to get over the unfinished emotional business I have with my lying, cheating, ex who abandoned me in September 2005. Would like to talk to someone about dealing with the anger and “need to punish” that I still feel. I literally took him to the cleaners in Divorce Court, but all the money in the world won’t heal this hole in my heart. I hope someone responds to this.
Date 5/2/2007

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Web User Name kelly
About this eBuddy i’m female, 50, married for 31 years, empty nest, recently retired. i’m an adult recovering from childhood trauma by divorce of parents. i’m dealing with buried pain from the divorce, thankful for the resources on Abandonment, and just looking for friends who might understand the process of healing.
Date 4/30/2007

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Web User Name bb~doll
About this eBuddy I am 45, divorced/separated 10 years. I am out of the relationship that I thought was the love of my life; well evidently not! I am finding the road to emotional healing harder after this breakup than I did ending my marriage. The workbook is helping, but I would like to talk with someone who understands Susan’s work, as well as other sources… we can discuss them. I feel like I am fighting withdrawal and depression. Some methods are helping, but sharing seems to be best of all.

Date 3/8/2007

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Web User Name mssan
About this eBuddy My name is Sondra and I am interested in a either starting a group in the Detroit area or being a part of one. I was adopted at 5 then the adoption was rescinded at the age of 13. I then went on to be back in the child welfare system and went into Semi-Independent Living then own my own. I had my son at eighteen. Determined to be more than a welfare recipient I went back to school and obtained a BSW. In school currently for a MSW. I notice that I have a hard time allowing people to get close to me in fear of being abandoned again.I didn’t even realize my self defeating behaviors. The books by Ms. Anderson helped me alot. As of today I am getting better and willing to assist in anyway that I can to others. So feel free to email me. Much blessings to all.
Date 2/15/2007

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Web User Name ospreyboy
About this eBuddy Hi Guys,

I’m in the UK and have just come out of relationship and really struggling more than I’d like to and would love an e-buddy to support me through the process. Should I buy both books? I’m a little confused but so want to start as I don’t want to go on hurting like this anymore. Think its from my childhood and an abusive relationship and would love some support and someone to work through this with. I’m gay but don’t think that matters in this situation.

Thanks Matt

Date 12/22/2006

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Web User Name Innerstrength
About this eBuddy Looking for people in the Los Angeles area who are dealing with or have successfully dealt with the pain of abandonment. Related would be people who are dealing with dependency issues, co-dependency, etc. I am looking for answers and how to change/ heal once and for all.
Date 12/16/2006

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Web User Name hospice
About this eBuddy 50 year old male, thrice divorced and finally realizing much of the relationship challenges are a result of emotional abandonment from mom at an early age. Looking for someone on the Monterey Peninsula to share/help.
Date 11/22/2006

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Web User Name jitkap
About this eBuddy my ex fiance broke up with me 3 months before our planned wedding date. we were together 3 years. i’m ok, but i would love to email someone who experienced the same thing. Also, is anyone in WEst Los Angeles for a support group?
Date 10/11/2006

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Web User Name AlwaysLeeAnn
About this eBuddy I was abandoned as an infant for 3 months, then adopted by a verbally abusive mom… I watched adoptive family send away my genetic brother they adoped along with me, when he was about 15… he was too much work for them, so they shipped him out to military school (this really angered me)… then when I became a teen and difficult I was sent away too… and this has been ongoing. This last year was the worst, when 20 year old son and his girlfriend had baby… and they abandoned him… I looked into babies eyes that are MY eyes, and lost it… I attempted suicide as I couldn’t bear anymore abandonement… That was January… a lot has been uncovered and discovered all year long… met genetic siblings, and God has opened up the can of worms in my head, heart and soul… I need to heal. Its taken 47 years to be able to see the forest and the tree’s but now what do I do? I cry at everything I read… ‘sigh’… I too isolate. I don’t want anymore rejection… oh well.
Date 10/6/2006

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Web User Name Luccia
About this eBuddy Looking for mutual support and help to get through the recovery…someone said your time on earth is never wasted if you were able to help someone else even with only a kind word or giving a gentle ear. (Dickens, I think).
I believe that is true.
Date 9/22/2006

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Web User Name suzyq
About this eBuddy Hi, I am a 42yr old, mother of 4 children, My marriage of 16 years ended 10 yrs ago which I am at peace with. I found the love of my life and we were together for 7yrs. this relationship has ended it has been 8 months, I have abandonment issues from my childhood that I am working through, the difficulty of moving on is painfull I ache at the thought of my ex being with another women, obsesive thoughts, I feel I sould be better than I am about this although I am not, looking for an ebuddy to help me along.
Date 9/3/2006

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Web User Name bobius411
About this eBuddy I’m 27, a graduate student and single mother of two, and struggled for almost three years with someone who treated me terribly. He was very attached to his mother, who I offended early in the relationship, and in order to keep him I had to agree to hide the fact that we were together from his family. When I finally required that he come clean with them about our being together, he gave up and walked out. Also, during the time we were together, he occasionally emailed other women planning to have sex with them, and once placed an ad on adult friend finder. He skipped our anniversaries, my birthday, you name it while I showered him in attention and gifts. Smothered maybe, I don’t know. I haven’t heard from him since and now I’m literally going crazy – calling him, leaving messages crying, etc. I’m making a fool out of myself and feel like a child. If I’m not sobbing, I’m screaming at everyone around me and those who I can’t scream at for professional reasons I’m just plain snippy with. I’ve gotten mad at almost all of my friends and family and cut a lot of them out of my life. I just keep pushing people away and then crying because I have nobody. If I keep living this way I’m going to lose everyone I know, my job, and never finish graduate school. I honestly feel like I’m going insane. I don’t have any health insurance and can’t afford counseling, so I’d be grateful for anyone to talk to. Is there anyone else out there who had done these things or am I completely over the edge?

I’m so sorry this is so long.

Date 7/15/2006

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Web User Name j-glass
About this eBuddy I’ve been going through depression for almost twenty years. Now, though, I am seeing the depression as consisting of a lot of abandonment issues. I’m 36 years old and believe that my abandonment issues probably began early in childhood (I am an identical twin). I’ve been seeing a therapist now for 15 years. Lately my doctor (therapist) and I have been looking more closely at my “abandonment” issues. They tend to come to the surface whenever he goes away on even a short vacation. I am in unbearable pain whenever he takes time off. I cannot function during these periods and I lose ALL sense of pride or confidence in myself. I just start hating myself. I can see that I’m taking anger out on myself instead of being angry with my therapist for leaving, but I feel totally helpless in controlling this reaction. I don’t want to continue living when he leaves. I also begin to doubt any progress I have made when he is away because I “regress” so much during these times. I have never found any one else dealing with this type of difficulty in therapy. Can anyone relate to my issue?
Date 7/6/2006

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Web User Name brokenhart
About this eBuddy Gay male abandoned by partner of seven years. Left with little more than the clothes on my back I am totally shattered and desperately seeking to find others sharing similar seering pain. Want to share notes on what to do next.
Date 6/26/2006

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Web User Name ann
About this eBuddy Its Mothers day, and tomorrow is my ex’s birthday. It’s been 3 weeks since he left, and I am reeling.
Today is especially hell becuase I lost my mom at age 17. I’m 32, and have sabotaged almost every long term relationship I’ve been in. This last being the worst. Given my childhood, this doesnt surprise my therapist, but it doesnt make me feel better in the least. I’m looking for anyone to talk to about this.
I’m excellent at isolating, and all I want to do is get my ex back, but it’s too late. It’s ridiculous what I’ve put him through in the last year. I would appreciate any feedback I can get…
Date 5/14/2006

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Web User Name hoping to heal
About this eBuddy male 21 california, college student. recent year and a half relationship ended, feeling badly hurt. feel myself going through the swirl stages all the time, obsessing non-stop about former relationship, looking to find peace…would like to talk with anyone…
Date 4/4/2006

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Web User Name angela
About this eBuddy have just recently broken up and am struggling thru. am looking for some folks to talk with online or in seattle.
Date 3/22/2006

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Web User Name seekinganswerstoo
About this eBuddy in the process of SWIRLING myself at this time. I believe that some of my earlier abandonment issues for my youth into adulthood have caused some of my behaviors with my adult male relationships and may have caused them to be driven away. Anyone sharing the same thoughts????
Date 3/2/2006

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Web User Name Trying_to_heal
About this eBuddy I’m a woman just north of Boston. I’ve experienced a series of abandonments beginning with my mother, then father, when I was about 5. From grandmother’s home to foster home to boarding school to sister’s suicide, to physically and emotionally isolating myself, to marriage and divorce twice, to a series of relationships with unavailable men..I’ve managed to sabotage what few healthy opportunities that came my way out of what I see now as fear of more abandonment.. So I’ve managed to isolate myself from living, and my small circle of friends and abandonment-ridden family are at the end of their rope with my anger and sensitivity. I feel hope, but am afraid to hope, as I begin the first few pages of the workbook. Does anyone out there identify with this and want to email or join a support group north of boston?
Date 2/27/2006

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Web User Name cherryblossom
About this eBuddy I am in my early twenties, I’ve recently discovered these feelings of abandonment. I am in a relationship for about 8 months and have feelings of the past that arises in my current relationship. I am slowly trying to determine the difference because i don’t want to hurt my current partner. I have all three books but would like to talk with a buddy to help me with understanding what i’m going through. Thank you for reading my post.
Date 2/23/2006

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Web User Name cherryblossom
About this eBuddy I am in my early twenties, I’ve recently discovered these feelings of abandonment. I am in a relationship for about 8 months and have feelings of the past that arises in my current relationship. I am slowly trying to determine the difference because i don’t want to hurt my current partner. I have all three books but would like to talk with a buddy to help me with understanding what i’m going through. Thank you for reading my post.
Date 2/23/2006

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Web User Name ANA SIsterhood
About this eBuddy My name is Dee and I have many abandonment issues from my childhood which have affected my life in almost every aspect. Most recently was a series of affairs. I have been to therapy and have read both of Susan Anderson’s Journey books.

If anyone would like to be an eBuddy with me, please feel free to contact me. Sometimes, it’s just nice to know that you are not alone.

Date 2/8/2006

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Web User Name stefani
About this eBuddy I’m iving in a foreign country in an intense 3 year intercultural relationship. It hasn’t ended, but i feel abandonment issues everyday here and feel he is verbally abusive. I can’t leave it, and we can’t find resolution! confusion…sadness…
Date 1/28/2006

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Web User Name Judy
About this eBuddy I adopted a boy at 9 who was severely abused. We went through alot together.Rage, I thought abandonment…but here he is at 18 just ran off to a friend’s and has been gone 3 weeks and not a word. He has been posting music with pentagrams on his myspace. He is the abandoner and it hurts because I invested alot in this kiddo. We definitely made an attachment but this traumatic exit is not what I envisioned. Can you offer any thoughts? I know it’s hard letting our kids grow up and away….I am hurting because this isn’t what I envisioned as the transition period. p.s. This was a kiddo who had 23 accounts of abuse, was removed at 4, disrupted foster care, hospitalized behaviorally twice before the age of 6 and moved at 6 to a Therapeutic Boys Group Home. At 9 he wanted to be adopted and I prayed about it and decided to be committed to this kiddo. Why my pain level then if I know this kiddo is really struggling?
Date 1/17/2006

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Web User Name Jason
About this eBuddy Gay man just entering stage 5: Lifting Would love an eBuddy :-)
Date 1/11/2006

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Web User Name hlr0707
About this eBuddy I was involved with someone over 20 years ago and he just “disappeared”. No goodbye, no break-up, nothing. Eventually I got on with my life, or so I thought. I ended up in a marriage I should never have happened trying to “forget”. This person from over 20 years ago contacted me out of the clear blue last June and things started right back up where they left off. I of course thought there was no way that this person could possibly do this to me again, but he did. Everything was going along fine and again, he left with no real explanation. I am completely immobilized again and have been trying to recover, but I don’t seem to be getting anywhere. Everyone around me thinks I should “just move on”, but I can’t. I am completely miserable. I would appreciate anybody who would want to talk.
Date 1/11/2006

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Web User Name lost
About this eBuddy Is there anyone near me going through a serious heartbreak? My husband of over 27 years suddenly left me for someone he met on the internet. I just ordered the workbook and would like to find others to go thought the exercises with. I live in Atlanta.

Date 1/8/2006

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Web User Name Angella
About this eBuddy Female, age 33, been through many traumatic events in my life, married with 4 children.
Date 12/2/2005

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Web User Name plee
About this eBuddy I am a 60 year old woman who was in a wonderful relationship last year for a year and then was left. Just an abrupt breakup. No explanation. He still occasionally con6acts me and would be friends if I would allow it. But it is all so terribly painful. I have spent all of 2005 trying to heal. Got the Abaondonment books in September and they hit the nail on the head. Another definition that fits is addition. It has been a terrible time of on an off depression and anxiety. What to do to keep my sanity? My name is Pat. Would welcome anyone who would like to talks. Thanks
Date 12/1/2005

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Web User Name chandra
About this eBuddy i am a 55 year old young lesbian,new to this work.I have been working with the workbook now for 3 months and some days i even feel hopeful that one day i might find happiness!I realise i have always looked to a relationship to make me happy and to make my life worthwhile.alas i now know the futility of my ways.I am a bright intelligent woman but when it comes to being able to love i am in preschool. i live in a small town in canada with no abandonnment support group and regular therapists don’t know how to help with this type of wounding.I am in a chosen time out from all relationships for 1 year so maybe i can learn to love myself.I have never known what those simple words meant before.somedays i still forget.It takes all my strength to deal with the feelings of loneliness and depression i feel especially on weekends. Is there a like minded lesbian out ther who would like to communicate with me?
Date 11/4/2005

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Web User Name Lisa-Gary
About this eBuddy My significant other, Gary, is in jail. His crime is directly related to an act of addiction that he now sees was motivated from swirling for 40+ years from his father’s abandonment, when Gary was only six. I am sending him the workbook a few pages at a time, and we are working the exercises together.
Date 10/9/2005

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Web User Name fjk1
About this eBuddy I am a 37yo male, and my firstabandonment experience was at age 8, when my father murdered my mother. I never knew then how that would be impacting my life today. After another relationship gone bad, here I am. I am just starting w/ the workbook, and would love tohear from others.
Date 9/17/2005

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Web User Name twinkeltoes
About this eBuddy Need some one to talk to?..I am available..I am very familiar with abandonment and what it does to all of us…How it effects our choices, our lifes and so much more…I was abandoned at age 3..my parents did not want me..I can relate to all of you who have been abandoned and my heart goes out to each and everyone of you…Many have helped me..so Maybe I can be of help to you..I am not a Therapist…I am just a person who has been there and still learning ..I belive we can always learn something new about our selves and better ways to take care of us..after all that where it starts…or so I feel…and sometimes just risking sharing with another we can obtain new insite into our own pain and what is going on with in us…so..feel free to write if you need some one to talk to…
Date 8/9/2005

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Web User Name liza
About this eBuddy Divorced after a loveless marriage of 3 years; recently abandoned by man I’d been with throughout the divorce for 2 1/2 years.
More…(sorry, I didn’t know this was my post).
He left me, but never “loved anyone as much as me”. He slept with his “x” mistress from his previous marriage to sever our relationship. I was experiencing true love for someone for the first time in my life, was faithful and trusted him implicitly. I am an ACOA and have “father issues”. I have never wanted to be without a man. I am looking for support of letting this man go and seeing and understanding that he too is severely wounded. The intimacy of what I was offering drove him away. I am left confused and immensely sad.
Date 4/13/2005

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Web User Name liza
About this eBuddy Divorced after a loveless marriage of 3 years; recently abandoned by man I’d been with throughout the divorce for 2 1/2 years.
Date 4/13/2005

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Web User Name chipinge
About this eBuddy My husband of 7 years recently left me for an ex-girlfriend. I have recently completed reading Susan’s book which has been enormously helpful. I’m looking for an abandonment support group in Southern California – does anyone know of one? Thanks!
Date 4/11/2005

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Web User Name kathi
About this eBuddy Does anyone know of a support group for abandonment survivors in Atlanta, Georgia?
Date 3/25/2005

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Web User Name Melia
About this eBuddy I have been abandoned twice by my twin sister. She has also abandoned our father and brother. The only person she has a relationship with is our mother. Our family has been destroyed over this. My brother never communicates with any of us. My mother only communicates with my sister. I do have a relationship with my father. I recently discovered that many of my struggles in life relate to the abandonment issues associated with this family destruction. I have wonderful support from my husband. However, he is terminally ill, so I will have to work through a very profound grief eventually. Is there anyone who can share similar experiences of abandonment in their birth families? I’d love to hear from you.
Date 3/12/2005

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Web User Name kathi
About this eBuddy I am a 57 year-old female living in the Atlanta area. I have read, with interest, many of the e-mails and have yet to find “my” story. I have been seeing a therapist for the last year and half, initially to get a handle on some work-related stress. To make a long story short, I began to bond with my therapist who had become, over time, a mother figure to me and what I discovered/uncovered was an abandonment issue from childhood, involving my mother, that went right to the core. I cannot believe how intense the feelings and emotions are that I am dealing with. I would never allow them to come up in the past. I always pretended that I didn’t really need a committed relationship. I have a pattern of becoming attracted to unavailable men. I was so pleased to find that Susan Anderson covered this issue in her book Journey from Abandonment to Healing. I didn’t realize that so many other people have the same issue. I have been so controlled by the fear of abandonment/fear of engulfment that I have never gotten really close to being in a committed relationship. The intensity of the emotions and feelings that I am dealing with in therapy (all of the romantic/sexual needs, primal childhood needs and fears, etc.) is overwhelming. There’s a reason we are meant to experience different stages of our emotional development at a young age — we are not as conscious as we are in adulthood. Anyway, I am experiencing traumatic bonding with my therapist and we are trying to work through it. She assures me she can handle the intensity of this bonding. Whoaa, is it painful. I am confident that when I start on Susan Anderson’s workbook, it will help me through this process.
Date 3/11/2005

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Web User Name breeze
About this eBuddy I am 55 years old, have three grown children and was divorced four years ago. In the past three years, I have been abandoned by three different people. The most recent was last October. I am so grateful for having found Anderson’s books. I only wish I had found them last fall. My world crumbled, but it has been an empowering time for me. Life is getting better, but I don’t want to fall into the same past patterns of choosing men who are emotionally unavailable. I have always given my power away and I don’t want that to happen again! I would love some support during this process!
Date 3/10/2005

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Web User Name Meg
About this eBuddy I’m looking for people I can connect with who can support me through my recovery. My ex of 8 years broke up with me 2 1/2 months ago, and I’m living on my own for the first time in my life. I’m dealing with so many internal issues it’s overwhelming. No matter how hard I try I can’t stop obsessing over my ex – wondering what she’s doing, if she will call me, etc. I could use a friend right now.
Date 2/26/2005

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Web User Name Jen
About this eBuddy Hi. I am 36 and I have too many abandonment induced relationships behind me to speak about here. I am in a relationship now and I am trying to figure out what, if any part of it is real, or salvagable from the damage I have done with my controling and complaining and needing constant reassurance. I would appreciate any help.
Date 2/3/2005

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Web User Name DeserveRespect
About this eBuddy Recently got a phone call from my girlfriend that unexpectedly ended my year and a half long relationship. It was a rather shattering experience. This is not the first time I’ve experienced this type of sudden abandonment from someone who professes to love me. Reading of some Susan’s books and the material contained on this website has been a real eye opener. I am interested in focusing on this abandonment recovery because for the first time I have hopeful feelings that it may very much help to address what are my real core issues.

Would like to here from anyone with a similar focus for sharing and support. Thanks.

Date 1/31/2005

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Web User Name Caroline
About this eBuddy My boyfriend of 5 years has disappeared without a goodbye. I can’t find him at all, so I am working through this abandonment issue. I’d like someone to share stories and issues with.
Date 1/26/2005

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Web User Name DappleLouie
About this eBuddy 49 Professional Male
Wife leaving very abruptly after 10 year marriage. “She wants to be friends”…….. Brother! She did this about three years ago and then decided not to, things have never been the same. This is really hard. I love her, but I can’t take this. I know she will never be happy in this marriage. I know I can never trust her. I could use conversation (pen-pal).

Date 1/21/2005

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Web User Name T8nstride
About this eBuddy Hi, I am 38, and going through a seperation with my wife of 15 years. My wife and I have had problems in the past and I wish I had found Susan’s books back then. The books really help explain what I go through since each time I’ve seriously struggled with abandonment issues. I have come to realize that abandonment issues have been at the core of problematic aspects throughout my life since early childhood. I’d be interested in keeping in touch with anyone with simular experiences.
Date 1/16/2005

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Web User Name delane
About this eBuddy Hello, I am 41 years old and desperately need someone to talk to. I relocated to FL, leaving my family and friends, to attend law school. I was in a long distance relationship and he ended it at the end of October. I have no one here for support and feel totally lost. I joined a dating service right after the breakup and that has made matters even worse. Some days are good and others I wish that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning. Is there anyone out there who would be willing to write to me? I hate to keep calling my family and friends because they don’t understand…
Date 1/3/2005

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Web User Name cheryl
About this eBuddy I am looking for support to assist me with a 7 year break-up that I am going through. I have a history of needing to be in a relationship due to emotional abadonment issues from childhood. I am taking the steps to have a healthy lifestyle.
Date 11/30/2004

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Web User Name lam
About this eBuddy I was abandoned by my mother when I was 6 months old. I have always had issues with relationships and in social situations which I feel is a result of my abandonment at such a young age. Is there anyone out there who has had a similar experience in their life?
Date 11/11/2004

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Web User Name soshana
About this eBuddy i am an abandonholic wanted to change my ways. are there any reformed abandonholics that can give me some tips?
Date 9/21/2004

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Web User Name zlady
About this eBuddy I have been through 3 marriages and one 15 years live in relationship that just ended a little over a month ago. Obviously, there is a pattern here. Finding this workbook was truly a gift. I have never felt so good about my recovery. However, the pain and suffering is sometimes unbearable. Would love to find someone in a similar situation who can relate. I am 56 years old and sometimes feel cheated that it has taken me this long to take control back of my life. Is there anyone out there in South Carolina? Thanks.
Date 9/8/2004

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Web User Name nicoleanjolie
About this eBuddy I have been trying to “move on” for two years; now I know why I haven’t been able to. Is there anyone out there who is available to be an ebuddy?
Date 9/7/2004

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Web User Name Want to believe…
About this eBuddy Looking for someone to talk with that has had success with this program…I am not just dealing with romantic-relationship abandonment issues,but i have recently found that these issues have been a big part of many aspects of my life. I want to release the issues of the past and learn how to deal with my abandonment as a new person- as my best friend, good parent, and now also as a new adult.
I am 28 years old. Let’s share as we learn! I am working therough the book and workbook as well, and would love some buddies to work with, either via email or a work group in LA…
PLEASE write me. I am eager and ready to get down to business!
Date 7/6/2004

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Web User Name Trinity
About this eBuddy Hi I’m 42 year old woman, never married. Many short term relationships in which I get dumped. I have been involved with an “unavailable” man for two years. I have broken it off several times. we are presently broken up. It gets more and more painful everytime with every breakup. Wondering if any canadians out there? Looking for a support group in Toronto area?
Date 6/27/2004

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Web User Name tammy
About this eBuddy Hi. I’m 43 years old. My husband moved out a month ago to think about what he wants. We’ve been married 12 years. I need a friend to talk to. I live in Michigan. Is anyone interested in e-mailing me and helping me through this?
Date 6/25/2004

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Web User Name black swan
About this eBuddy just a wounded little man trying to figure it all out. check out my survey responses for a lens into my world.
Date 6/1/2004

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Web User Name tmc
About this eBuddy I am suffering from being abandoned by the same man…first time 3 years ago, then just 3 months ago. No wrod, no closure, no I am sorry. First time it was for someone else, this time, I’ll never know, he just stopped calling. I can’t let it go…I can’t stop wishing he’d come back–tell mem he still loves me. I can’t comprehend that he doesn’t want me any longer. It doesn’t make sense. I feell like I will never move on!
Date 5/24/2004

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Web User Name Kalliope
About this eBuddy Hello. I am and have been struggling with paralyzing fear of bandonment for a long time. I’m currently in a difficult relationahip with a man who arouses all those fears and we just took a 4 month break which is scheduled to end in 2 weeks. Its been hell and my anxiety about the upcoming end of the break is huge due to alot of issues that need to get settles that Im afraid may not. Im scared I have to end it, Im scared hes going to end it. Ive been dealing with this nightmare for my whole dating life, and its very very hard to find anyone who understands. I desperately need support and hopefully to talk to someone about the workbook and geting better.
Date 5/9/2004

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Web User Name pheonix
About this eBuddy I’m a 41 year old woman who ended a two year relationship in June of ’03 – actually, honestly, I’m just now allowing myself to feel like it’s over. I had been caught in the withdrawel stage which set me up nicely for repeated reabondonments from him.

I just picked up the workbook. Wondering if there is anyone in the Portland Maine area who would like to work through this together?

Also, not satisfied with the Anderson’s discussion on rage. Not feeling there is enough help with this.

Date 2/19/2004

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Web User Name francine
About this eBuddy is there anyone in the portland oregon area wanting to get together to work through exercises in the book from heartbreak to connection?
Date 2/16/2004

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Web User Name Marcy
About this eBuddy Hi, I’m new to this site and live in the Boston area. I am really going crazy dealing with my breakup. I can’t seem to let him go. I am trying so hard to do my daily routine. I feel like my soul has been ripped out. I feel like I could have done something different and he might have stayed with me. I feel like I’m dying inside. I don’t ever remember feeling this much pain. I feel so alone with this. I am looking for help in getting through this if anyone has any suggestions or would like to talk, please email me….
Date 2/15/2004

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Web User Name Marcy
About this eBuddy I’m a 40 yr old female dealing with the breakup of a 4 yr. relationship.
Date 2/15/2004

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Web User Name jbnewlife77
About this eBuddy I just can’t stop spending all my energy wondering where she is, who’s she with. I feel so alone, like I will never be happy again. Like no one will ever compare to her,I’m devastated.
Date 2/12/2004

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Web User Name jbnewlife77
About this eBuddy I am 26 years old,my wife of six years just left me and I am totally devastated. I still love her completely,but I’m trying to move on. I like hockey and rock music,and would love to talk to anyone who can relate.
Date 2/12/2004

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Web User Name francine
About this eBuddy someone please help me….my partner left 10 days ago denying till the end any betrayal….i spoke with two of the women and the one sent me all his letters and the other said i was stupid not knowing he was seeing her….i feel raw, gutted, can’t stop crying or function…he left with not a word….will not talk to me and sends back all e-mail with no comment….no good bye – no closure – no sorry – just denial as last words….i’m reading the book but just cry through it….can’t reach the lifting stage of swirl….
Date 2/11/2004

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Web User Name mousecat
About this eBuddy mostly shattered lesbian at the moment, wondering why she wrote wonderful love letters and said how perfect everything was just before leaving…
Date 2/7/2004

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Web User Name joe pasta
About this eBuddy this site deals with all the emotions that i am going through…i dont understand why there are not more people sharing here. i can use any support out there…sometimes this pain overcomes me and i figure whats the use of dealing with it…
Date 1/30/2004

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Web User Name joe pasta
About this eBuddy Agter knowing someone briefly for about a year…this person approached me for a date..I accepted and I thought we took it slow to see if we liked each other…Well it turns out we did…and after 2 months plus it appreared to me everything was going fine…but then I got the I have been thinking speech…and that was the end..yes I am in the swirl with a capital S ..is it true we can only trust ourselves???
Date 1/29/2004

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Web User Name MisMeliss
About this eBuddy I am a 37 year old female who has been abandoned for the second time.I hurt so bad!! this workbook is helping me out tremendously, but it would be nice to talk to others who have had the same or similar experiences. Anyone that wants or needs to talk I am here. Let us help each other!!
Date 1/28/2004

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Web User Name mly
About this eBuddy I am 44 years old and just had my world turned upside down by my partner of 10yrs. She had an affair, lied about it when confronted, and then the day after our 10th anniversary, moved out of our house.
Date 1/11/2004

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Web User Name Rox
About this eBuddy I’m wondering if anyone knows of any support groups in the Detroit, Michigan area. Any help with this would be so appreciated.
Date 12/15/2003

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Web User Name gracie
About this eBuddy 34 YEARS OLD FEMALE -RECENTLY ABANDONED FOR THE SECOND TIME IN TWO LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS.I WAS SO TIRED OF STARTING OVER AND REALIZED THROUGH THE ADBANDONMENT BOOK THAT I CAN GO ON WITH TIME. YEAH, ALL WORDS RIGHT NOW, BUT MUCH BETTER THAN I HAVE EVER BEFORE FELT WHEN I STARTED TO HEAL AFTER A BREAK-UP I AM DEVASTED BEYOND BELIEF, LIKE EACH OF YOU AND HOPE TO SHARE FEELINGS WITH PEOPLE WHO FEEL WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH. IT HELPS
Date 12/11/2003

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Web User Name Onnie
About this eBuddy I am lesbian, just in the early throes of abandonment. My partner kicked me out 5 weeks ago after informing me she was done with and had cheated on me. She had just declared her undying commitment to me a week prior, along with the gift of a ring. I feel so betrayed, disposable, rejected, lonely, unlovable, and grief-strickened. Can any of you relate? Maybe we can helpeach other.
Date 12/5/2003

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Web User Name Lily
About this eBuddy Sacramento, California
Does anyone know of a group/facilitator/therapist in this area?
Date 11/23/2003

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Web User Name Lily
About this eBuddy Hello, just joined today. New to this issue of abandonment/grief but oddly enough many years ago a psychic made this observation about me…that I have an abandonment issue and would be wise to understand grief. Naturally, I blew it off. Years later and turning 52 here in December I decided that if I will ever find true happiness I must confront this ‘inner child’ that has long been suffering. I hope it is possible.
I order the book Black Swan and should be receiving it shortly.
Thank you!
Date 11/15/2003

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Web User Name rdcannon
About this eBuddy I am 43 years old…..I am bearly hanging on….my wife of 16 years has informed me that she has no feeling for me….along story behind this……I have not been handling this very well……I feel alone and wounded terribly…..not sure where to go from here…..she pretty much left two days ago…..I have the kids 3…..16, 13, 11..need help coping…..I have good times and bad and very bad……I am normally a strong person…but have turned into a weak damaged individual…..looking for hope
Date 11/13/2003

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Web User Name piscesmoon55
About this eBuddy It’s been 5 months since my partner of 12 years quite suddenly and unexpectedly left me. I am looking for any gay women who might be willing to write .
Date 11/9/2003

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Web User Name Paula
About this eBuddy I just discovered that core issue in my life is abandonment. It feels like I am in the middle of an earthquake, like I am coming undone. I have a strong support system, but wish to connect with others that are going through abandonment recovery. I live in Maine.
Date 11/1/2003

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Web User Name WILL
About this eBuddy I have just realized the abandonment issues are the root to most of my problems. I really don’t know where to start in getting help.
Date 10/22/2003

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Web User Name mjmja
About this eBuddy 24 yr old female. In love with a man for 7 1/2 years. My best friend. Thought we were dating seriously and forming a relationship. Exactly four weeks ago he sent me an email saying he was getting married to a girl he dated for 5 weeks. They got married one week after he told me. My birthday. I’m devestated and heartbroken. Read the book, but still struggling.
Date 10/16/2003

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Web User Name lookn4mypath
About this eBuddy I am a 38 year old mother, alone for the first time. Can anyone help me to cope?
Date 9/29/2003

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Web User Name Lionhearted
About this eBuddy I am a friend indeed to anyone who wants one. I am a student of Zen,a child therapist by trade, and recently very lost and heartbroken. I discovered that the girl I was about to propose to (after a three year relationship), had been having a long line of affairs, both my grandmothers, grandfather and a close friend died within 8 months… I am Feeling like I just want to isolate…and hoping this website will help me find some encouraging words or perhaps a way to help others.
Date 9/27/2003

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Web User Name akeru
About this eBuddy Not sure what to put here. Except that I am looking forward to this journey and I am hoping to find others who are willing to asist me along the way. Maybe I can help you as well.
Date 9/14/2003

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Web User Name SWIRLGIRL
About this eBuddy Oooops, I did not know “brief description of yourself” would show up as my question…what I wanted to post was regarding Centering-I can’t seem to get it or any of the calming, meditative activities in the workbook. My mind is always going a mile a second. I have read testimonies in which others “found that calm place” or “and there it was like an oasis,” etc, however I cannot seem to do it at all…anyone else have problems?
Date 9/8/2003

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Web User Name SWIRLGIRL
About this eBuddy I am 27 years old and recently abandonded (again) by my boyfriend of almost 2 years. I enjoy writing and hope to further study so that perhaps I can one day write professionally. I have a B.S. degree in Sociology and Criminal Justice from a mid-sized university in Virginia, Longwood University (was Longwood College when I was there.)
Date 9/8/2003

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Web User Name chr1st1nemb
About this eBuddy hello! I am looking for other email pals as well and I just wanted to say hi! I have really enjoyed working on this workbook and have learned alot so far.
Date 9/6/2003

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Web User Name Lanaquarelle
About this eBuddy I am a new member of abandonment.net and cannot seem to get the group center to work so I can find out if there is a support group near me. Am I missing something? Thanks,
Date 9/4/2003

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Web User Name The One
About this eBuddy I’m wondering if there is anybody out there whose husband left them after a long marriage for another woman?
Date 8/29/2003

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