What is Future Self?

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Future Self is the self we would like to become, the one we have every intention of becoming were it not for our patterns of self-sabotage that get in the way.

Future Self is who we are today, except perhaps…

thinner

richer

more spiritually evolved

more confident

more assertive

less co-dependent, less people-pleasing

happier

more loving

more outgoing

less isolated

less invisible

less reactive, more proactive

less depressed

more grateful for life blessings

more present to the moment

braver, bolder, more assertive

more successful professionally

less avoidant

more industrious

less procrastinative

more self-initiating

more self-reliant, self-contained, self-possessed

more like what’s his/her name

more motivated

less lazy

more comfortable in our own skin

more patient with loved ones, kinder, a better person

more able to feel passion toward our partner

more faithful to our vows

a better leader

etc. etc. etc.

If these random items represent any of your own goals, the challenge is:  How to make them happen?  

Even if we are bursting with Future Self aspirations – 10 months pregnant with them – it does not guarantee that we will begin the birthing process first thing tomorrow.  Then when will we finally summon the will to take the necessary actions to reach our to our dreams?  

That, of course, depends on how soon we can overcome the barriers to reaching them, especially our internal barriers, i.e. our tendency to procrastinate, avoid, over-indulge, under-perform, chase the unavailable, or whatever else we do to keep ourselves stuck.  

When we want something for our Future Self, such as finding a healthy relationship, and we don’t change our behaviors accordingly, we are committing self-abandonment.  We are leaving that goal on the doorstep of life – letting ourselves down in that regard – abandoning ourselves.

Primal abandonment is the taproot of this difficulty. Left unresolved this universal wound can silently leach self-esteem from within, undermining our initiative.  

Unresolved abandonment manifests in so many ways we let our dreams fall by the wayside.  We abandon ourselves by succumbing to the need for immediate gratification rather than delaying those urges in favor of reaching our long range goals. We do things that feel good in the short term (they reduce tension or increase pleasure), but that forfeit the deeper satisfaction of achieving our most important aspirations.  

Let’s say you want to lose 30 pounds, so you go on a diet.  But that night you order the dinner special and it happens to come with desert.  When the time comes, you go for the flourless chocolate cake rather than forgo its momentary pleasure, thus missing out on the greater pleasure of watching your weight drop on the scale the next morning.  If carrying that extra 30 pounds has been making you unhappy in any way – perhaps making your innermost self feel unworthy or ashamed – then you are abandoning your “inner child”. Your Future Self may be potentially trim and fit, but your Current Self is carrying the proof of your self-abandonment.  

The good news is that self-abandonment is reversible.  There is a simple mechanism that reverses it.  The tools of abandonment recovery get to the core of the abandonment wound. You develop a new dynamic relationship with yourself – one that inculcates self-love by getting you to  take actions that help you reach to your long neglected dreams, even those that seemed too far out of reach to hope for.  You heal from the inside out.  

I have worked with people from all over the world helping them implement these tools to reverse self-abandonment and reach their potential.  This is no magic bullet; you don’t think your way out of being stuck, you DO your way out.  The tools are there to help you successfully become your Future Self. All it takes is commitment, determination and follow through.

Susan Anderson © January 18 2018

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