How to Overcome Fear of Abandonment: 7 Dos and 10 Don’ts


It isn’t fear of abandonment that sabotages our relationships, it’s how we handle it.

Fear of abandonment is primal fear – not something we get rid of. It is essential and universal to all human beings, a driving force in our connections. It can either interfere in our relationships or reinforce them.

Once we learn how to deal with this primal fear, we access its healing properties.

Feeling attracted to someone triggers this fear. How many times have I heard: “I’m too vulnerable…too insecure to be in a relationship.” Many people complain that abandonment imprisons them behind a wall of their own making. They get caught up in patterns of constant re-abandonment (abandoholism) or avoid relationships altogether to avoid the pain (abandophobism). Others are in a relationship but feel chronic heartache and uncertainty. They’re shrouded in shame for feeling so needy.

There is a way out of these self-isolating patterns. First, what didn’t work:

Read more here on the Huffington Post!

By Susan Anderson © 2015

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  1. judie clough says:

    I believe the act of being relinquished at birth is the ultimate stressor for PTSD…no matter how wonderful adopted parents might be..
    Abandonment is reality. I must qualify and say times have changed and the private adoptions of long ago where records are not just sealed…many were falsified…while today at age 70 i can understand why things were the way they were..and yes therapy has helped…the abandonment issure has never fully gone away.
    I had always thought of it as PTSD…was unaware the term was actually used..

  2. Shirley Ann Petrillo says:

    Not being wanted by 36 yr old Mom. Oldest sister [mother-figure] marries & leaves, older sister leaves for college same year: 11 yrs old [1st depression]; natural disaster [flood] devastates family 12 yrs old; Became very Codependent with Mom; lots of failed, unhealthy relationships from 14 yrs old to current; 21 yr relationship [off & on} with one man/husband from 27-47 yrs old. A long list of shocks from Sept 2007 until May 2008 [husband death, mom kidnapped by 2 of 4 siblings – lots of deception, disappointment, robbery, ; most recently sudden rejection/abandonment of female “friend 2 months ago. The typical 3 step dance of a Narcissist 60 yr old boyfriend met in church. I was in panic/pain by this “discard” 3 years ago & haven’t been functioning since. I’m very Codependent, feel very abandoned cuz I have been by everybody!

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