Posts belonging to Category Relationships

How is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder of Abandonment Different From Borderline? Addressing the BPD Stigma and Treatment Choices

I’ve written previously about the differences between borderline personality disorder and post traumatic stress disorder of abandonment but here I’d like to explain why distinguishing the two seems important to me.  It has to do with the stigma attached to the diagnosis of “borderline.” The two diagnostic categories (BPD and PTSD of Abandonment) have an … read the full article

We Are Strongest Where the Breaks Are: Do you have evidence of Post Traumatic Growth?

Is it possible that abandonment has made you stronger? Most people are familiar with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but what about Post Traumatic Growth? Post Traumatic Growth (PTG) is a concept developed over twenty years ago by professors Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun  to identify strengths we pick up from struggling through life’s adversities. When … read the full article

‘The 36 Questions’ for Falling in Love: What Makes Them Work?

The world is full of love-worthy, eligible people looking for a way out of involuntary singleness. They want to put an end to their cycles of abandonment and find a long-term mutual relationship. They are determined to overcome any self-sabotaging patterns that might stand in their way. Some may be attracted to the unavailable. Some tend to … read the full article

Emotional Anorexia and Abandonment

  In working with the victims of abandonment trauma, I keep coming across folks who are emotionally anorexic.  When people attempt to give them love, they can’t seem to take it in.  They rather remain in a state of emotional starvation rather than risk abandonment – their greatest fear. As with almost all conditions, emotional … read the full article

How to Survive a Breakup: 12 Ways to Stop Blaming Yourself and Gain From It

  Click here to view recent articles. No matter the circumstances, on some level we blame ourselves when a relationship ends. We take it as a personal failure. The sorrow of heartbreak is not just about loss, but about self doubt. When rejection is involved in the breakup, it triggers primal rage which we turn against ourselves, … read the full article

Borderline vs. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder of Abandonment: Therapy Goals

  Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and PTSD of Abandonment  There is a significant overlap between borderline personality disorder (BPD) and post traumatic stress disorder of abandonment (PTSD of Abandonment).  In attempting to distinguish them, we are met with a lot of fine lines and nebula.  Since there is a stigma attached to BPD, defining the … read the full article

How to Overcome Fear of Abandonment: 7 Dos and 10 Don’ts

  It isn’t fear of abandonment that sabotages our relationships, it’s how we handle it. Fear of abandonment is primal fear – not something we get rid of. It is essential and universal to all human beings, a driving force in our connections. It can either interfere in our relationships or reinforce them. Once we … read the full article

How to Improve Your Self Esteem

Without realizing it we’ve been trying to improve the relationship we have with ourselves all of our lives, just not effectively. Most of us wish we could have higher self esteem. The good news is that we don’t have to go from having low self esteem to having high self esteem; we only need to … read the full article

How I Survived Abandonment: 12 Tips for a Complete Recovery

I developed the abandonment recovery program after the love of my life – my marital partner of eighteen years – suddenly up and left me for another woman. Read more here on Huffington Post! By Susan Anderson © 2015 Click here to view recent articles.

The Joy, Stress, and Vulnerability of the Holidays: 10 Ways to deal with Eustress

© Susan Anderson Dec 15 2014 Click here to view recent articles. Excited about the holidays? Stressed out by them?  Both? Just when you thought happiness was a positive thing, someone has to come up with Eustress – the stress you get from feeling good.  Eustress is the flip side of distress – its etymology: eu = … read the full article

Do You Sabotage your Relationships? Does your Outer Child ever act like a Borderline? 10 ways to Curb Outer Child from Sabotaging your Life

Do people ever call you borderline? We’re all a little borderline from time to time, and sometimes we’re a lot borderline, but does that mean we have Borderline Personality Disorder? Not necessarily, but it does mean we have an active Outer Child – the self saboteur of the personality – the part that wears its heart … read the full article

FIRED FROM A JOB: A Silent Form of Abandonment Trauma

Ever been fired?  If you’ve been working hard somewhere for any length of time and you get fired, it can precipitate a major emotional crisis – an abandonment crisis – that takes a lot of personal work to rise out of. The problem with this type of abandonment trauma is, that we have a glorified … read the full article

Insecurity in your relationship: Is Your Partner Fully Committed? 10 tips

People frequently write to me expressing their doubts about whether their partners are capable of being truly committed.  Perhaps you sense they are too open to making new connections.  Or they seem to be hedging their bets.  You’ve begun having doubts and want to feel secure again. It’s disquieting to wonder if your partner might … read the full article

Wanting the Unavailable

 Attracted to the Unavailable: 10 Ways to Overcome this Self Sabotaging Pattern   Why are we attracted to the emotionally unavailable? What can we do about it?  Obviously, if we lose interested as soon as someone becomes available, that won’t work because all we’d be doing is forever chasing and never having a relationship.  So how do we get … read the full article

TO SURVIVE A BREAKUP – 12 WAYS TO AVOID BLAMING YOURSELF

No matter the circumstances, on some level we blame ourselves when a relationship ends.  We take it as a personal failure.  The depression that goes with heartbreak is caused by turning the anger we feel about the failure against ourselves.  If we feel rejected by the person, multiply that by a thousand.  The remorse and … read the full article

The Five Phases of Abandonment and Recovery: The Path of Healing

Overcoming the Trauma of Abandonment Abandonment has its own kind of grief trauma – a powerful grief universal to human beings.  The grief can be acute – as when we go through the ending of a relationship, or chronic – as when we feel the impact of earlier losses and disconnection. The natural folds in … read the full article

Fear of Abandonment: A Primal Dilemma of Insecurity and 10 Ways to Turn it Around

Fear of abandonment is the source of human relationships, the source of our self sabotage.  It fuels insecurity.  But it isn’t fear of abandonment that sabotages our relationships, it’s how we handle it.  Fear of abandonment is primal fear – not something we get rid of.   It is essential and universal to all human beings, a driving force in … read the full article

IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO’S MARRIED? THE AGONY AND THE ECSTACY

First comes the ecstasy:  You’re consumed with passion, love, longing, nothing ever hurt so good before. You’re both hot to the touch!  Then slowly, the agony sets in. Things start to get unbalanced.   The agony is worse for you if your lover is more married than you are. In other words, they have no … read the full article

Are you on the Abandonment Spectrum? Do you have Symptoms of Abandonment Trauma?

You Don’t Have to Have Post Trauma Stress Disorder of Abandonment to Benefit from Abandonment Recovery tools © Susan Anderson November 27 2013 Click here to return to Recent Articles.  This article addresses people along the abandonment spectrum and reviews a program of therapy techniques and tools that promote growth and wellbeing and mitigate the impact of PTSD … read the full article

ARE YOU ALONE, STUCK IN A PATTERN AND CAN’T GET OUT? 10 Ways Out!

  Millions of people are caught up in cycles of abandonment. Why do they keep repeating the same patterns over and over and what can they do to break free? One common pattern I call “abandoholism.” You’re alone and unfulfilled because you keep pursuing unavailable partners. When someone comes along who is genuinely interested, you … read the full article

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