Posts belonging to Category Divorce

Overcoming Love’s Invisible Barriers: 12 Helpful Preparations

Has it ever occurred to you that love may be staring you in the face, but you just can’t recognize it? Maybe the person is too easily taken for granted, too available, doesn’t push your old insecurity buttons. Or maybe s/he doesn’t match up to some antiquated high school ideal about what a good catch … read the full article

Emotional Anorexia and Abandonment

  In working with the victims of abandonment trauma, I keep coming across folks who are emotionally anorexic.  When people attempt to give them love, they can’t seem to take it in.  They rather remain in a state of emotional starvation rather than risk abandonment – their greatest fear. As with almost all conditions, emotional … read the full article

How to Survive a Breakup: 12 Ways to Stop Blaming Yourself and Gain From It

  Click here to view recent articles. No matter the circumstances, on some level we blame ourselves when a relationship ends. We take it as a personal failure. The sorrow of heartbreak is not just about loss, but about self doubt. When rejection is involved in the breakup, it triggers primal rage which we turn against ourselves, … read the full article

How to Overcome Fear of Abandonment: 7 Dos and 10 Don’ts

  It isn’t fear of abandonment that sabotages our relationships, it’s how we handle it. Fear of abandonment is primal fear – not something we get rid of. It is essential and universal to all human beings, a driving force in our connections. It can either interfere in our relationships or reinforce them. Once we … read the full article

How to Improve Your Self Esteem

Without realizing it we’ve been trying to improve the relationship we have with ourselves all of our lives, just not effectively. Most of us wish we could have higher self esteem. The good news is that we don’t have to go from having low self esteem to having high self esteem; we only need to … read the full article

How to Overcome Heartbreak

Heartbreak hurts so deeply because it pulls at that raw abandonment nerve we all share. It rips us open to the core, overwhelming us with powerful emotions — loss, despair, panic, shame, hopelessness — that seem all out of proportion to the actual event. Here are 12 facts to help you: Read more here on … read the full article

How to Get Over Abandonment — a Fast Track

When something triggers our primal abandonment pain — like a breakup, getting fired or rejected by school admissions, or dissed by a friend — it can be so ferocious and debilitating that we’d do almost anything to get past it. Read more here on Huffington Post! Click here to view recent articles. © Susan Anderson February 9, 2015  

How I Survived Abandonment: 12 Tips for a Complete Recovery

I developed the abandonment recovery program after the love of my life – my marital partner of eighteen years – suddenly up and left me for another woman. Read more here on Huffington Post! By Susan Anderson © 2015 Click here to view recent articles.

Do You Sabotage your Relationships? Does your Outer Child ever act like a Borderline? 10 ways to Curb Outer Child from Sabotaging your Life

Do people ever call you borderline? We’re all a little borderline from time to time, and sometimes we’re a lot borderline, but does that mean we have Borderline Personality Disorder? Not necessarily, but it does mean we have an active Outer Child – the self saboteur of the personality – the part that wears its heart … read the full article

FIRED FROM A JOB: A Silent Form of Abandonment Trauma

Ever been fired?  If you’ve been working hard somewhere for any length of time and you get fired, it can precipitate a major emotional crisis – an abandonment crisis – that takes a lot of personal work to rise out of. The problem with this type of abandonment trauma is, that we have a glorified … read the full article

Insecurity in your relationship: Is Your Partner Fully Committed? 10 tips

People frequently write to me expressing their doubts about whether their partners are capable of being truly committed.  Perhaps you sense they are too open to making new connections.  Or they seem to be hedging their bets.  You’ve begun having doubts and want to feel secure again. It’s disquieting to wonder if your partner might … read the full article

TO SURVIVE A BREAKUP – 12 WAYS TO AVOID BLAMING YOURSELF

No matter the circumstances, on some level we blame ourselves when a relationship ends.  We take it as a personal failure.  The depression that goes with heartbreak is caused by turning the anger we feel about the failure against ourselves.  If we feel rejected by the person, multiply that by a thousand.  The remorse and … read the full article

The Five Phases of Abandonment and Recovery: The Path of Healing

Overcoming the Trauma of Abandonment Abandonment has its own kind of grief trauma – a powerful grief universal to human beings.  The grief can be acute – as when we go through the ending of a relationship, or chronic – as when we feel the impact of earlier losses and disconnection. The natural folds in … read the full article

Fear of Abandonment: A Primal Dilemma of Insecurity and 10 Ways to Turn it Around

Fear of abandonment is the source of human relationships, the source of our self sabotage.  It fuels insecurity.  But it isn’t fear of abandonment that sabotages our relationships, it’s how we handle it.  Fear of abandonment is primal fear – not something we get rid of.   It is essential and universal to all human beings, a driving force in … read the full article

IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO’S MARRIED? THE AGONY AND THE ECSTACY

First comes the ecstasy:  You’re consumed with passion, love, longing, nothing ever hurt so good before. You’re both hot to the touch!  Then slowly, the agony sets in. Things start to get unbalanced.   The agony is worse for you if your lover is more married than you are. In other words, they have no … read the full article

Why Does Divorce Create Such Turmoil? (As seen on Movingpastdivorce.com)

Abandonment is our first fear. It is primal and universal to all human beings. Abandonment is the special element that makes loss of a job, separation, bereavement and divorce so painful. Abandonment is that feeling of being left on the doorstep – of feeling left behind. The upheaval of divorce is considerable. There is the … read the full article

Why Do I Fall Out of Love? Five Tips to Avoid Losing Interest

  You feel the connection at first while you’re pursuing someone. The newness keeps you interested. But as soon as you become sure of them – let’s say they start to attach to you, desire your company, and accept all you have to give and maybe even want more – you put up a boundary. … read the full article

HOW TO HEAL ABANDONMENT: Tips on Abandonment Therapy and Abandonment Recovery Workshops

  Dear Fellow Abandonmates, I get frequent requests for individual psychotherapy from people visiting my website or reading my abandonment books. Due to scheduling issues, I’m able to give only occasional one-on-one abandonment consultations to new folks. But before setting up a session, I urge you to first attend one of my Abandonment Recovery workshops … read the full article

Balancing the Pain of Abandonment with the Need to Let Go

Do you hang onto an old relationship because you can’t face the abyss? The pain of abandonment cuts deeply.  We fear it to the extent that our love-life gets caught up in avoidance maneuvers. Many of these behaviors are based on the tacit premise that “A bad relationship is better than no relationship at all.” … read the full article

Broken Hearted this Holiday Season?

When our love connections are in turmoil, the panic and insecurity can hit hard, especially during the holiday season. A broken heart brings up all of our abandonment issues, and the holiday season’s merriment adds insult to injury. Take a step back and remember that you can overcome your abandonment trauma and your outer child … read the full article

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