Balancing the Pain of Abandonment with the Need to Let Go

Do you hang onto an old relationship because you can’t face the abyss?

The pain of abandonment cuts deeply.  We fear it to the extent that our love-life gets caught up in avoidance maneuvers. Many of these behaviors are based on the tacit premise that “A bad relationship is better than no relationship at all.”  

Avoidance patterns are domain of your Outer Child.  Your Inner Child is the part of you that feels your fear of abandonment. Your Outer Child is the part that acts out this fear in self defeating ways.  Outer Child operates unconsciously to keep you stuck.  Does your Outer Child’s maneuvering interfere in your love-life?

  • ~Do you pine over an old love because having someone to focus on is better than having no one?
  • ~Do you stay entangled in a relationship that is not working because it seems better than going it completely alone?
  • ~Are you hooked on someone against your better judgment? Do you hold out hope, though you know it’s unrealistic, that things will improve someday?
  • ~Do you tolerate a situation in which you let your significant other to keep you at arm’s length –“on the side?”
  • ~Do you keep someone else “on the side” to use as an emotional spare tire?
  • ~Are you attracted to emotionally unavailable lovers, trapping you in painful cycles of abandonment?  Or conversely…
  • ~Does your fear of abandonment get you to avoid relationships all together?
  • ~Do you have trouble feeling passion toward your partner?


Here’s how to resolve these quandaries, overcome avoidance, and conquer your most deeply entrenched patterns:


  1. Know there is help.  The solution may have eluded you in the past, but there is much you can do to overcome.
  2. Honor your abandonment fear.  It is primal, universal, and powerful.  It is what makes the world go round.  It is the core of your patterns.
  3. Validate your own needs.  If you’re contemplating letting go of someone, validate the fact that that becoming emotionally alone can be an overwhelming emotional challenge.  You’re not weak for being reluctant, you’re human.
  4. Know that becoming a separate person is doable.  All human beings have the capacity to succeed.  It begins by practicing Acceptance of the reality facing you.
  5. Consider that “letting go” offers you an opportunity to achieve emotional self-reliance, at long last.
  6. Recognize that becoming a separate person is a life project entailing ongoing effort and self-nurturance.  There is no magic pill, but there is lots of help for promoting positive change.
  7. Commit to a program of abandonment recovery:  Practice exercises that allow your higher self to incrementally chip away at Outer Child’s stronghold on your love-life.
  8. Throughout the process, practice celebrating the moment where the past and future have no bearing – only the quality of your separate ability to create this moment.
  9. Remain focused on your goal.  Determination and persistence will propel you forward and produce success.


Click here to return to Recent Articles.

1 comment

  1. maxbet says:

    Absolutely love this song! I am constantly impressed and humbled by the God-filled and beautiful words that this man continues

Celestial Aura Theme by